Mouth to Mouth
by HistoryGeek1399
Summary: Casey and Alex have been together for six years, when they start to drift apart. Can they resuscitate their marriage before it's too late.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N; I own none of the unoriginal characters or the song if I did the world would be a very different place. The song is Mouth to Mouth by the AMAZING Paloma Faith.**

As EADA Alexandra Cabot drove home Friday evening she found her mind wandering to her wife, she and Casey had been together for six years, of which they have been married for three and a half. In that time they had some ups and downs but for the most part it was a happy marriage. She loved her wife but recently it was as if Casey had stopped making an effort, where once she would surprise Alex with flowers, a weekend away or even a home cooked meal and one of Alex's favourite movies, now all she seemed to do was lounge on the sofa and their weekends were spent in separate activities. Casey had softball and her bike whilst Alex spent her time reading or shopping with Serena the only time the spent together was to sleep. Even their love-making had become routine and less frequent no matter what Alex tried Casey always seemed distracted. At first she put it down to stress from work but now three months later she was starting to worry there was someone else or maybe Casey didn't love her anymore.

Shaking her head to clear it as she focused on the traffic around her. Turning up the radio as the words of the song playing reached her,

Put on your crisp white shirt  
I'll wear a bright red skirt  
I'll take a taxi ride  
So we can drink all night

I know it's been so long  
But boy you still turn me on  
'Cos tonight I want to  
Make love like strangers

No more fighting, no more pain  
It would drive us both insane  
Let's just do it like we just met  
(Do it, do it, do it, yeah)  
Write your number on my hand  
Sweat it off when we dance  
And we'll do it like we just met

Ooh oh mouth to mouth we touch  
Resuscitating  
What we nearly lost,  
I never wanna  
Let you go so just  
Do it like we never met before  
Give me mouth to mouth

Walk through the neon lights  
I love this London eye  
Come here my big brown eyes  
And kiss these lips of mine

Now will you walk me home? (Yeah, yeah)  
And if you're wanting more (yeah, yeah)  
Just ask I won't say no (yeah, yeah)  
Lets make this magic

No more fighting, no more pain  
It would drive us both insane  
Let's just do it like we just met  
(Do it, do it, do it, yeah)  
Write your number on my hand  
Sweat it off when we dance  
And we'll do it like we just met

Ooh oh mouth to mouth we touch  
Resuscitating  
What we nearly lost,  
I never wanna  
Let you go so just  
Do it like we never met before  
Give me mouth to mouth

Oh when you touch me I turn golden  
Forgot to remember you could make me feel this  
Won't go to work tomorrow morning  
Stay in all day and tell the neighbours, know your name  
And I know that sometimes baby (sometimes baby)  
I can seem a little crazy (little crazy)  
Just grab me by the back of my neck  
And give me mouth to mouth

Ooh oh mouth to mouth we touch  
Resuscitating  
What we nearly lost,  
I never wanna  
Let you go so just  
Do it like we never met before  
Give me mouth to mouth

Ooh oh mouth to mouth we touch  
Resuscitating  
What we nearly lost,  
I never wanna  
Let you go so just  
Do it like we never met before  
Give me mouth to mouth

Maybe that's what they needed to resuscitate their marriage, walking in that evening Alex gave a sigh as she heard a baseball march playing on the television in the lounge. Kicking her heels off she walked in and wasn't surprised when Casey didn't even look up, she decided she was going to try once more to reach Casey.

Walking over to the couch Alex leaned down and pressed a kiss to Casey's lips, "Hi, how was your day?"

"It was okay. How was yours?" Asked Casey kissing Alex again.

"Fine, let's go see a movie? Or get dinner? Maybe go dancing? It's not like we have to get up early tomorrow." Suggested Alex.

"I'm not in the mood. Maybe we can go tomorrow?" Replied Casey not looking away from the baseball game playing on the television.

Sighing Alex stood from the couch. "I'm going to take a bath."

Looking up Casey gave Alex her trademark grin and asked, "You want some company? I could wash your back?"

Raising an eyebrow Alex replied, "I'm not in the mood." And turned and headed up the stairs.

Frowning at Alex's behaviour Casey put it down to tiredness and turned her attention back to the television screen and soon became absorbed in the game again.

Running her bath Alex climbed into the bath and dialled Serena's number waiting for the blonde to pick up she switched the phone to loud-speaker knowing there was no chance Casey would leave the couch whilst the game was on.

"Hey Al, you okay?" Came Serena's chirpy voice.

Sighing Alex replied, "No, I...Serena I'm so confused."

"Casey still being distant?" Guessed Serena as she heard the sadness in her best friends voice.

"Yeah, she used to surprise me and treat me like a princess, we used to go out and eat, walk through the park hand in hand or snuggle up and watch a movie and now I'm lucky if she looks up from the television when I come home in the evenings that's if she is even home."

"It can't be that bad?" Came Serena voice sounding tinny as it came through the loud-speaker function on Alex's phone.

"Honestly Rena, it's like I could parade around the house naked and she wouldn't notice. Have I got fat or something?"

"Come on Ally, your beautiful and Casey adores you. Have you talked to her about it?"

"Really, because I brought new lingerie from Victoria Secrets last week and when I asked Casey if she liked them her reply was, 'Of course their Mets colours.' It's not funny." Said Alex as the sound of Serena's laughter floated through the phone.

"Sorry Ally. You should talk to her." Suggested Serena.

"Do you think there could be someone else?" Asked Alex voicing her biggest fear.

"No way! She loves you Alex you can tell that from the way she looks at you. I honestly just think it's the relationship rut. You guys have been together so long you need to do a little maintenance to boost your sex life, it's perfectly natural after all this time." Replied Serena.

"What more can I do? I've tried sexy underwear, suggested role play and even brought new toys. She's just not interested."

"Maybe impose a sex ban until she gets her act together. That's what I did with Kim." Suggested Serena.

"The though of you and Greyleck doing the nasty still weirds me out." Laughed Alex.

"Really? You think about me and Kim in bed? That's creepy Alexandra really creepy, I mean I expect that kind of thing from Carmichael." Teased Serena.

"You know what I mean. I should go and start making dinner, left to Casey it would be left over pizza, if she bothered at all." Replied Alex.

"Talk to her Ally, she loves you maybe she hasn't realised she hasn't been paying you attention or there is something troubling her and she just doesn't know how to bring it up. You know Casey better than anyone, hell I bet you know her better than she know's herself. Talk to her Alex."

"I will, thanks Rena. Talk to you soon." Ending her call Alex finished washing and changed into her favourite pyjamas pants and one of Casey's 'Sex Crimes' softball shirts before heading downstairs. She wasn't surprised when she saw Casey hadn't moved and was still absorbed in the game playing on the television. Calling her wife's name three times and getting no reply Alex lost her temper and grabbed the remote laying on the coffee table and switched off the television.

"Hey! I was watching that." Protested Casey reaching for the remote in Alex's hand.

Throwing the remote across the room so it landed in the armchair she turned back to Casey with her hands on her hips. "And ignoring me. It's not even a real game for pity's sake you know how it ends." Yelled Alex.

Casey was startled by the anger in Alex's voice. "Okay Al, calm down."

"Calm down! You ignore me and then you expect me to be clam. I'm sick of it Casey."

"Look, your tired why don't you relax and I'll order a pizza or something and then we can have an early night?" Offered Casey holding her hands up in surrender.

Blinking back the tears of frustration that burned her eyes Alex took a calming breath. "Are you seeing someone else?"

Startled Casey's eyes went wide, "No! No of course not. How could you ask that?"

"Then why have you been ignoring me? It's like you don't notice me anymore or make an effort. We never go out anymore, when was the last time you took me dancing or for dinner? Or even cooked a meal for that matter."

"Alex, I'm sorry..."

Alex interrupted her wife her anger making her words come out in a rush, "Sorry. I'm sick of trying I suggest going out you say not tonight. I suggest a weekend away but your too busy. I suggest we have an early night and you're not in the mood." Walking towards her wife Casey tried to pull her in for a hug only to find herself being pushed away. "I'm sick of it Casey! If you love me then you need to show it. Have I got fat? Don't you fancy me anymore?"

"Alex you are as beautiful now as the day I met you. I'm sorry I will try harder I promise. How about we go and get some dinner tonight? We can go to that Italian you like?"

"Don't bother. I'm going to bed." Replied Alex.

Blinking owlishly for a few moments Casey followed her wife up the stairs reaching the bedroom door just as Alex came back out of the room. "Alex, please talk to me?"

Thrusting Casey's pillow and sleep shorts at her wife Alex replied, "It's too late for that Casey. You can stay in the spare-room tonight."

"Alex..." Was as far as Casey got before the bedroom door was slammed in her face and the lock turned.

Padding into the spare room Casey realised Alex was right she had been coasting in their relationship preferring her pyjamas over a dress and take out over a romantic meal. As she laid in the large bed she missed the warmth of Alex beside her and started formulating a plan to show the blonde how much she loved her. After an hour and several phone calls she walked down towards their bedroom and tried the door. Finding it still locked she knew Alex wasn't asleep because the light was on meaning the blonde was probably reading.

Knocking in the door she called out, "Alex, could you open the door please so we can talk?" She was greeted by silence she tried again. "I made dinner reservations for tomorrow night at that new Mexican place you wanted to try, then I was thinking we could go to that Jazz club after dinner." When silence was the only reply she tried again, "Please Alex, I will do anything to make this right. I love you and you were right have taken you for granted."

Sitting in bed Alex listened to Casey's words and heard the sincerity in her voice walking across she unlocked the door and opened it to reveal a tearful Casey on the other side. "It's going to take more than a nice meal and some Jazz to put this right."

"I know, but it's a start right?" Asked Casey with a small smile.

Holding her hand out Alex led Casey to their bed and once they were both laying down she whispered, "Yes it's a start."

"Good, I love you Alex." Replied Casey pressing a kiss to the top of Alex's head.

"I love you too." Replied Alex. "But you know I don't just want you to romance me."

"What do you mean?" Asked Casey.

"When we first got together you used to pin me up against the wall and make me scream your name, if I walked around in my lingerie you wouldn't just comment on the colour and go back to your baseball game, we would spend all night making love. Now I'm lucky if I get a ten minute fumble." Replied Alex.

"Oh..." Replied Casey swallowing deeply. "I'm sorry Alex."

"I know, maybe I should have said something before." Replied Alex as she leaned down and claimed Casey's lips in a passionate kiss. Gasping as Casey dragged her teeth over her bottom lip as she felt Casey's hand slide under her top she pulled back, seeing the confused expression on Casey's face, "Marriage is a very complicated machine. When it breaks down, you can't fix, it with one screw. If you want me you're going to have to show it." Pressing a kiss to the tip of Casey's nose Alex whispered, "Good night Casey."

Pulling her wife close Casey replied, "Love you too Al, I really do."


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up the following morning Alex wasn't surprised to find she was alone but she was disappointed she had thought that they had made some progress the night before, getting out of bed she went into the bathroom to freshen up before heading down to the kitchen. Walking into the kitchen she smiled at the sight of her wife arranging breakfast on a tray.

Noticing the blonde leaning against the door frame Casey gave an embarrassed smile before pressing a kiss to Alex's lips. "You're supposed to still be asleep, I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

"I'm sorry, that was a very sweet thought. Maybe we can have breakfast on the deck as it's such a lovely morning?" Suggested Alex as she accepted the coffee Casey passed her.

"Sounds good, will you do something for me?" Asked Casey a tilt of the head.

"Anything." Replied Alex with a smile, seeing Casey's raised eyebrow she added, "Within reason."

"Go back upstairs until I call you?" Replied Casey, with her best puppy dog eyes.

Playfully rolling her eyes Alex turned and headed back to their bedroom. As she pulled on her jeans and a jumper she was smiling as she heard Casey call her name. Heading down stairs she smiled at the rose petals that led from the kitchen to their outside deck where Casey had set the table. There was a vase of lilies in the middle of the table with a selection of pastries, fresh fruit and yoghurt, fruit juice and a pot of what smelt like her favourite Vanilla coffee.

Pecking her wife on the lips Alex smiled as she sat down on the chair Casey pulled out for her, "This is wonderful. Thank you Casey."

"It's no more than you deserve." Replied Casey with a nervous smile. "I did a lot of thinking last night and you're right I've not been paying you enough attention recently. I'm sorry Alex, I really am."

"Before I accept your apology, I need to know why?" Replied Alex placing her hand over Casey's to let her know she wasn't still angry.

"I'm sure exactly. No that's a lie. I.." Taking a deep breath Casey gave Alex a sad smile. "You can see why I'm such a good lawyer with linguistic skills like that."

"It's okay take your time. I'm not going anywhere." Smiled Alex.

"I've felt a little inferior to you since your promotion. I've always felt as if I didn't deserve your attention, your love." Lowering her voice to a whisper so quiet Alex almost missed it she added, "To be your wife."

"Casey, that's crazy. You realise that right?" Asked Alex.

"No it's not you're a Cabot, you're the boss and I'm just an ADA. There were times growing up we went hungry or cold and you grew up in a mansion. I don't deserve you. I never have." Replied Casey standing up and heading inside.

Taking a breath Alex followed her wife into the lounge where she found Casey pacing, "Case, Casey, Cassandra!"

Jumping at the use of her loathed full name Casey glared at Alex, "See I tried to do something nice and I spoiled it. You deserve so much more than I can give you."

"You are my everything." Interrupted Alex before continuing, "I have never thought you were less than me, Casey I look up to you in so many ways. Everything you have achieved you have worked for, you are proud, loyal, hard-working and one hell of a lawyer. Everyday, I thank God that you came into my life, that you love me and that I get to spend the rest of my life with you. Casey, I am so proud to be call you my wife, to be the one you have a family with and the one you grow old with."

Wiping the tears that were silently falling Casey wanted nothing more than to pull Alex into her arms but she knew they needed to resolve all the tensions between them if they were going to fix their marriage. "A family? We were going to start trying for a baby a two years ago and then you were up for promotion so we put it back six months, then you go promoted and we put it back again. Sometimes I feel like your career ambitions mean more to you than our family."

"That's not fair Casey. I've never put you second, there are times we both work long hours. If you want to start trying for a baby we can. All you needed to do was talk to me." Replied Alex as she started to realise it wasn't just Casey that had allowed their marriage to falter.

"Do you mean that?" Asked Casey as she turned to study Alex.

"Of course, let's just give it ..." Began Alex.

"Here we go." Snapped Casey cutting Alex off. "A few months until what DA elections? Or maybe you want to take a run at the White House."

"I was going to say, give it a couple of months until our relationship is healed." Replied Alex with an icy glare at her wife who matched with a heated glare of her own.

"Healed?" Replied Casey as if testing the word on her tongue. There glares of fire and ice continuing.

"Casey, we have drifted apart. Maybe more than I realised." Replied Alex sadly.

"What do we do?" Asked Casey.

"Do you want to fix it?" Asked Alex.

"Of course, Alex I love you, I have since the moment I met you. Do you want to fix it?" Asked Casey.

"I do Casey. I really do, I want a family with you and all the plans we made I want them." Replied Alex as she reached out for Casey's hand. They sat in silence taking comfort in the others touch.

It was Casey who broke the silence, "I should clear up. Maybe we can go out for brunch? That place in the park and then we can stop by the farmers market?"

"Sure, I'll go get ready." Replied Alex standing and heading back into their bedroom. Sitting on the edge of the bed she rested her head in her hands, how did things get this bad and she not notice? Taking a deep breath she stood and headed back down to meet Casey.

"Ready?" Smiled Alex.

"Yeah, do you want to drive? We could take my bike?" Smiling she added, "I love it when you hold me tight, it's one of my favourite way to travel."

Grinning as the old Casey surfaced she replied, "I love holding you."

"Alex, we can fix this. How about a weekend away? Just the two of us?" Suggested Casey.

"That sounds nice, we could go to the beach? I know how much you love to surf." Replied Alex with a smile as she thought of Casey in a bikini.

"We can book it whilst we eat." Suggested Casey.

"Kiss me." Demanded Alex.

Blinking at the rapid change in conversation it took a second for Casey's brain to catch up, when it did she gave Alex her trademark smirk and backed her the blonde up against the wall. Making sure to keep their eyes locked she tangled her fingers in the long blonde locks she loved so much and pressed her lips against Alex's.

Deepening the kiss Casey lightly gripped Alex's hands and presses them to the wall above her as the need for air became pressing Casey drew back. "Maybe we should stay in?"

Leaning in for another kiss, Alex bit down on Casey's bottom lip before soothing it with her tongue, "I like the way you think."

Grinning at her wife Casey pressed their bodies flush together against the wall and claimed the blondes lips in a bruising kiss. Keeping both of Alex's hands in one of her own she used the other to roughly squeeze Alex's breast through her shirt, causing the blonde to moan into the kiss.

Braking the kiss Alex looked into Casey's eyes dark with desire she whispered "I want you. Make me yours."

Growling in response Casey leaned back, dragging Alex's shirt over her head before bringing her lips to the blondes neck once again, placing kisses along the delicate skin she bit down on Alex's pulse point hard enough to leave mark. Soothing the red mark with a gentle kiss before pushing the straps of the blondes bra down and bringing her mouth to Alex's nipple, dragging her teeth across the stiff bud before soothing it with the flat of her tongue. Making sure to keep Alex pressed against the wall, Casey wrapped the blondes long legs around her waist as she claimed her lips again.

Feeling Casey's dominance Alex felt the fire in the pit of her stomach that had been missing recently she ached to feel the redhead touch her where she most needed it. Feeling Casey's hot breath against her neck she bucked against her lover attempting to get some release, she gasped when she felt Casey nip the skin of her throat. She knew there would be a marks there tomorrow but couldn't bring herself to care as Casey carried her towards there bedroom without pausing their kiss.

Throwing Alex on to the middle of their bed Casey ordered Alex to strip, leaning against the wall she watched as Alex undid her bra and let the straps slide down her arms to fully revel her pale breasts. Resisting the temptation to throw Alex down on the bed then and there she waited as the blonde unbuttoned her jeans and dragged them down her long legs followed by her lacy panties.

Pushing Alex back on the bed as she quickly undressed and joined her panting wife on the bed and once again claimed her lips in a searing kiss. Trailing her fingertips down Alex's body Casey smiled at the goosebumps that arose at her touch, dragging them through the blondes folds she moaned at the wetness that had gathered between the blondes legs.

Hearing Casey's moan Alex panted, "All because of you."

With out replying the read head just smirked and spread the blondes legs Casey entered her with two then three fingers causing Alex to arch up off the bed. Curing her fingers it didn't take long for Alex to cum chanting Casey's name. Before she had chance to recover from her first orgasm Casey began kissing her way down Alex's stomach and ran her tongue through the waiting wetness.

Groaning as Alex bucked her hips dislodging her, she pressed her hand to the bottom of Alex's stomach to stop her moving, grazing Alex clit with her teeth before running the tip of her tongue around it and sucking it into her mouth. Feeling Alex's orgasm approaching Casey entered her once again scissoring her fingers until Alex came harder than the first time, the feeling of her wife coming undone caused Casey to cum just seconds later.

Kissing her way up her panting lover, Casey placed gentle kisses on the marks she had made whilst they were making love before placing a gentle kiss on Alex's lips.

"That was...I missed you!" Mumbled Alex.

"I missed you too." Panted Casey as she pulled Alex close.

Flipping Casey on to her back, she straddled her wife's waist, running her hands over Casey's pale skin Alex tweaked a stiff nipple between her fingers, before leaning down and taking it into her mouth flicking it with her tongue. Trailing kisses across to the other dusky peak Alex dragged her teeth across the sensitive bud causing Casey to arch her back.

Kissing back up Casey's neck, Alex claimed her lips as she ran her fingers through the panting woman's sodden folds. Thrusting her long fingers into the waiting heat Alex groaned at the wetness that was waiting for her. Moving her thumb to Casey's hard clit it took just a few thrusts to bring Casey over the edge.

Slumping down next to her wife Alex rested her head on Casey's chest and let the sound of her wife's heartbeat lull her to sleep.

Casey watched as Alex slept she knew they had a lot of work to do but hoped that by talking they had taken a step in the right direction. Gently moving Alex so she could set an alarm to give them enough time to get ready for their night out she pulled Alex close and followed her into slumber.


	3. Chapter 3

Waking up Alex smiled at the feeling of Casey's front pressed against her back and her hand moulded around her beast, it had been ages since they had slept in this position. Recently they had slept back to back, she had missed this side of Casey the most. The Casey who would hold her all night knowing it helped Alex's insomnia when she held her, the Casey who would read to her when she was sick or couldn't sleep. Turning over gently she smiled as Casey frowned and mumbled in her sleep but didn't wake instead pulled Alex against her front before smiling in her sleep. As she watched her wife sleep Alex realised Casey had been right and she had put Casey second to her career over the last few months. Without waking Casey she slipped from bed and shrugged into her robe she cast one more glance at her sleeping wife before quietly slipping out of their bedroom.

Walking into the kitchen she poured a glass of apple juice and picked up one of the muffins Casey had brought and settling on the couch powered up her laptop, bringing up the travel agents page she looked through the deals and settled on a two-week stay in a private beach house in Hawaii. Booking the time off for both of them she smiled at the thought of Casey in a bikini for two weeks before heading back to their bedroom to wake Casey so they could get ready to go out for the evening.

Walking into their bedroom she smiled at the sight of Casey cuddled up against her pillow, leaning down she gently brushed a strand of hair behind Casey's ear before placing a gentle kisses along her jaw. Smiling as Casey mumbled something about 'stealing third' she pressed a kiss to the corner of Casey's mouth. Squealing as she was flipped over and Casey began attacking her neck with kisses. "Well good afternoon to you."

"Good afternoon, where did you sneak off to?" Replied Casey as she noticed the robe Alex was wearing.

"I woke up and you were drooling, so I did a little on-line shopping." Replied Alex with a smile that turned into a laugh when she saw Casey wiggle her eyebrows. "Nothing like that."

"Oh God not more shoes?" Replied Casey stressing the word 'more'.

Lightly hitting Casey Alex flipped them so she was straddling her waist, "Actually I was booking this." Replied Alex pulling the holiday booking out of the pocket of her robe.

Reading the paper Alex had handed her Casey couldn't help the wide grin that spread across her face at the thought of two weeks alone with Alex, especially as they would be on the beach and in bikinis for two weeks. "Al, this is amazing. I can't wait."

"Only two weeks and then I get you all to myself for two weeks, no work, no phones and no distractions." Smiled Alex as she got up.

"Hey, I was enjoying that. Come back to bed." Pouted Casey with her best puppy dog eyes.

"We have dinner reservations, remember?" Replied Alex from her spot in their walk in closet, picking a dress she walked back into their bedroom in time to see Casey flop back on the bed and pull the pillow over her head. "Come on shower."

"We could stay in and order pizza?" Suggested Casey with a pout.

"You promised me dinner and dancing." Replied Alex leaning against the bathroom door frame.

"Okay, I'm up." Replied Casey as she walked towards Alex intending to persuade her wife that sharing a shower would help them get ready quicker.

"Don't even think about it Novak. You can use the guest bathroom." Replied Alex stepping in and shutting the bathroom door. Laughing softly as she heard Casey mumbling.

Sighing Casey picked the dress, underwear and shoes she wanted to wear before collecting her makeup and perfume and headed to the gust room. After hanging her dress up she headed into the bathroom and took a shower, as she stood under the spray she felt a lightness in her heart that had been missing over the last few months.

Walking out of the bedroom and into the lounge Casey felt her breath leave her at the sight of Alex in a knee-length blue dress, her hair loose around her shoulders and the blue eyes she loved so much framed by the glasses. "Wow, Alex you look...amazing, beautiful, breathtaking actually none of those come close."

Smiling at her wife Alex felt the familiar butterflies as she studied Casey, dressed in a black dress that hugged her curves and showed off her wonderful cleavage, her red hair pulled into a tight bun showing off her long neck. "You don't look so bad yourself."

"Shall we?" Asked Casey holding her hand out for Alex to take. The drive to the restaurant was spent holding hands and planning their holiday, "I can't wait to see you in a bikini." Grinned Casey.

"I'll have to go shopping for a new one then won't I?" Smiled Alex lifting Casey's hand and pressing a kiss to it. "I'm so pleased we're doing this."

"So am I. Alex I'm sorry, I let things between us become tense and I made you doubt my love for you. You are my reason for living and without you life has no purpose." Replied Casey.

"The blame doesn't lie solely with you, I'm as much to blame. I'm sorry you felt as if you came second to me career, that has never been the case. I love you Cassandra, I love you as much today as I did the day we got married." Replied Alex giving Casey's hand a squeeze.

"You had to spoil it with a Cassandra didn't you?" Teased Casey, "Okay, so we both made mistakes and are going to work very hard to put it right. But tonight, tonight I want to enjoy dinner and then a few slow dances with my beautiful wife, no more sadness of guilt." Replied Casey as they pulled up to the restaurant Casey handed her keys to the valet before walking around an opening Alex's door.

"Why thank you Mrs Novak." Grinned Alex.

"Anything for you Mrs Cabot." Replied Casey leading the way into the restaurant. Once they were seated Casey reached across and too, Alex's hand, "Have I told you how beautiful you look?"

Grinning Alex replied, "Yes, but I can stand to hear it again."

"Well Mrs Cabot, you look absolutely breathtaking that I fell in love with you all over again." Giving a wicked grin she added, "Although, I believe that dress will look even better on the bedroom floor."

Laughing Alex smiled at her wife, "Oh really?" Casey was saved from answering by the waiter arriving to take their orders, once he had walked away Alex addressed her wife again, "You look amazing Casey, I love it when you wear your hair up like that."

Giving Alex a wink and her signature smirk Casey replied, "I know, why do you think I spent twenty minutes getting it right?"

Dinner passed in easy conversation and light banter that both had missed and after paying the bill Casey drove them to the Jazz club Alex enjoyed visiting, after a drink at the bar Casey led Alex on to the dance floor and pulled Alex tight against her as they swayed to the music, "I love feeling you pressed against my body like this." Laughing Alex pressed a gentle kiss to Casey's lips and started swaying her hips in time to the music, years of childhood dance classes blessing her with a graceful rhythm.

Casey had to bite her lip to stop herself mining out loud as Alex pressed their bodies together and moved in time to the music, she loved watching Alex dance whether it was in a club or around the kitchen as she made breakfast. "You are so damn hot." Whispered Casey as she dragged her teeth across Alex's earlobe. "Want to get out of here and continue this at home?"

"Nope, I want to dance some more." Replied Alex with a mischievous wink.

"You're going to kill me if you keep this up for too long." Whined Casey as Alex ground her ass into Casey, causing the redhead to moan at the sensation.

Turning in her wife's embrace Alex whispered, "If you think this is going to kill you wait until I get you home."

"Oh God." Moaned Casey as she pulled Alex tighter against her front and trailed her hands down her wife's back until they rested on the toned ass she loved so much. "Fine, but don't expect me to move my hands."

"Heaven forbid." Smirked Alex adding extra sway to her moves making Casey moan several more times, before she took pity on her wife.

Taking Casey by the hand she led her outside, pressing Casey against the passenger side of the claiming her lips in a blistering kiss, their tongues battling for dominance a battle Casey quickly won. Tangling her fingers in Alex's blonde hair she husked, "Get in."

Walking to the drives side, Casey climbed in and entwined their on the gear stick sharing long looks and short kisses at every stop light, until they pulled on to their drive.

Waking through the door Alex wasted no time in leading Casey to their bedroom, once in the bedroom she reached around and unzipped Casey's dress, feeling her mouth go dry as it pooled at her feet. As she took in the sight of her wife in nothing but her black underwear and black heels. "Oh Casey, you are so beautiful." Taking Casey's hand she led her to the bed and after removing her underwear she pushed her down.

Making sure Casey was watching she unzipped her dress letting it slowly slide down her body, leaving her as naked as her wife.

Casey watched as Alex climbed onto the bed flipping them so she was above her wife she marvelled at the sight of Alex's pale skin and dusky pink nipples straining for attention. She brought her mouth down to Alex's breast, tracing circles around a stiff nipple before sucking it into her mouth. Hearing Alex give a moan and arch up pushing more of her breast into her mouth, she used her teeth to nip the sensitive bed before soothing it with her tongue.

"Oh, Casey, I'm so hot for you. Don't tease me."

Leaning back she reached out and traced her fingertips across Alex's chest and torso before lightly pinching a stiff nipple between her thumb and finger causing Alex to hiss and press a hard kiss to her mouth. "Oh no Alexandra, you teased me all night. Now it's my turn."

As she began kissing her way down Alex's stomach she moaned as the scent of her love arousal reached her causing her centre to throb. Lifting Alex's legs over her shoulders she ran her tongue through her lovers wet folds, moaning at the taste, she repeated the motion several times, before lightly sucking the blondes sensitive clit into her mouth.

"Oh God!" Moaned Alex as the Casey began to work her clit with her tongue, bringing her to the edge before pulling back only to bring her to the edge over and over again, each time stopping never letting Alex get the release she so desperately craved. "Please Casey! Stop teasing me."

"Tell me what you want?" Asked Casey, looking down at her panting wife.

"Make me cum Casey please." Groaned Alex desperate for relief.

Grinning Casey took pity on the writhing woman beneath her as each touch caused Alex to buck her hips and whimper with need. Entering her wife with two finger she gave Alex a second to adjust to the sensation. As Alex arched her back Casey increased the speed of her thrusts, curling her fingers it didn't take Alex long to crash over the edge.

After letting Alex get her breath back Casey moved back up Alex's moaning as she entered the blonde with two long fingers and she felt Alex enter her causing the blonde to moan loudly. Seeing Alex's eyes close in pleasure she began to move her fingers faster adding a third and curling them slightly she pressed her thumb to the blondes clit, causing Alex to cum chanting Casey's name. Watching Alex come undone for the second time sent Casey over the edge with her.

Leaning down Alex began kissing her way down Casey's throat, before flicking her tongue across a taunt nipple, nipping it lightly as she felt Casey's nails scrape down her back, she kissed across to the other nipple she could feel the heat building in the pit of her stomach again. Leaning up to claim Casey's mouth in a gentle kiss, she felt the blonde trace her fingers through the wetness between her legs. Smiling at the feeling of her lovers arousal Alex entered her with two fingers causing the redhead to moan and arch her back, increasing the speed causing Casey to cum again.

Pulling Alex into her arms Casey pulled the covers over them and trailed her fingertips up and down her wife's back until she felt her breathing even out. Kissing the top of the blonds head Casey had a smile on her face as she followed her into slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N; This story has taken a darker turn than I first intended, leave your thoughts.**

Waking up Sunday morning Casey smiled at the sight of Alex asleep on her chest, last night had been amazing. She finally felt as if they were getting back on track, she knew they needed to talk and shout before the damage was fully healed, but by them both admitting there was a problem and they were both at fault they were making progress. As she thought about the holiday Alex had booked a wide smiled spread across her face, she couldn't wait to spend two weeks away with her wife, maybe a relaxing holiday was just what they needed.

"I can hear you thinking." Mumbled Alex as she lifted her head and gave Casey a lazy smile.

"You can't hear someone thinking." Replied Casey pressing a gentle kiss to Alex's mouth.

"So, what were you thinking about?" Asked Alex with an innocent smile.

"I was thinking about..." Seeing the smug look on Alex's face Casey rolled her eyes and flipped them over so she was above Alex and began peppering her neck with nips and kisses. "Good morning beautiful. Did you sleep okay?"

"I did, how about you?" Asked Alex trailing her fingertips over Casey's bare torso, marvelling at the goosebumps that rose in response to her touch.

"I did, you wore me out." Replied Casey. "What would you like to do today?"

"Stay in bed and ravish you." Smirked Alex placing kisses across Casey's chest.

"As much as I would like that, I was thinking we could take a walk in the park and then maybe stop and watch the band?" Replied Casey.

"That sounds nice, what do you fancy for breakfast?" Asked Alex reaching for her glasses and slipping out of bed.

Giving a devilish grin Casey pulled Alex back into bed and after sharing a blistering kiss whispered, "You."

"Oh really, and how exactly do you want me?" Purred Alex.

"How about I show you?" Smirked Casey with a raised eyebrow.

"I like the way you think." Replied Alex as she was pushed down on her back and Casey began pressing kisses along her jaw and down her neck. "I really like the way you think."

As Casey took one straining nipple in her mouth she felt Alex drag her nails down her spine and across her ass, hissing she gently nipped the stiff bud between her teeth. Feeling herself pushed on to her back Casey gave Alex a smirk, "Something I can do for you?"

"Yes, you can let me make love to you, until you're screaming my name." Replied Alex, before claiming Casey's lips in a gentle kiss.

Alex lightly scraped her nails across Casey's stomach before running her fingers trough the redheads wet folds. Moaning at the slickness that covered her finger Alex repeated the action several times each time applying the lightest of touches to Casey's clit, causing the redhead to buck and whimper with need.

Giving Casey one more slow passionate kiss Alex slid two long fingers into Casey's waiting heat and began to slowly pump in and out of Casey causing her back to arch, leaning up she took a stiff nipple into her mouth and flicked it with her tongue. Sensing Casey was close to the edge Alex used her thumb to brush against Casey's sensitive clit and curled her fingers finding that sweet spot she knew would tip Casey over the edge. It took just minutes for Casey to cum screaming Alex's name.

After regaining her breathing Casey flipped them so she was above the smirking blonde and began kissing down her lovers pale stomach dipping her tongue in Alex's belly button, causing the blonde let out a startled laugh. Giving Alex a smug smile Casey continued her journey south, the scent of her lovers arousal causing her own stomach to tighten in anticipation, slipping one of Alex's long legs over her shoulder she ran her tongue through the waiting wetness. Flicking her tongue against the stiff bud she entered Alex with two fingers and quickly brought her to a mind-blowing climax.

Waiting until Alex had caught her breath she pressed butterfly kisses along her jaw before capturing her lips in a slow gentle kiss filled with love. "So how was breakfast for you?"

"The best." Panted Alex. They spent the morning in bed soaking up the others presence before sharing a steamy shower and heading for the park.

Strolling along hand in hand Alex noticed Casey had become quiet, "Hey, what's got you thinking so deeply?"

Biting her lip Casey led them to an empty bench, "I was thinking about us. Do you think we should see a therapist?"

"I can't imagine telling a stranger about the intimate details of our relationship." Replied Alex. "Once we've had our holiday and talked out all our issues we will be fine."

"I'm not sure it's that simple, I don't think it could hurt. We could ask George to recommend someone." Replied Casey.

"I'm not sure we need it, we seem to be doing okay." Replied Alex.

"How about this, when we get back from Hawaii if either of us still feel like things aren't right then we can revisit the idea of going to a therapist." Suggested Casey. "That gives us a month."

"Okay, if in a month you still think we need therapy we can talk about going to see someone, but Case I promise by then everything will be back to normal."

"Maybe that's the problem, I don't want normal I want my wife back I've really missed you and I'm not saying it was all your fault. I just want to make sure we have a solid foundation before we have a baby." Replied Casey. Watching Alex closely she saw the slight frown cross the blondes face when she mentioned having a baby. "You do still want a baby?"

"You know I do." Replied Alex quickly, smiling she added. "We should start heading home, it looks like it might rain."

"Alex, please talk to me?" Replied Casey not standing from the bench.

"It's just, what if we decide to move to Washington or I become DA? Are you going to stay home with the baby? Do we get a live in nanny?" Replied Alex.

"I thought we talked about this? Why would moving to Washington make a difference? They have schools. Alex, I will stand by you what every path your career takes, but having a family; having children is important to me."

"I know and I want a family with you." Seeing the look on Casey's face she went on. "I do, I guess it's just I'm afraid. Can we talk about this at home?"

"Of course we can, Alex no matter what comes our way we can deal with it as long as we talk to each other."

The following week went past quickly for both women as they tried to clear their desks in preparation for their holiday. They spent the weekend watching movies, talking and making plans for the future. Leaving court early after an unexpected plea change the Tuesday before they were due to leave, Casey decided to use her lunch-break to buy some new lingerie and swimwear for their holiday.

She had just arrived back in her office when her cell phone began ringing, seeing Alex's number on her caller ID she grinned as she answered. "Hey sweetheart, so I went shopping on my lunch-break and brought a new bikini."

"Hi, Case I..." Began Alex only to be cut off.

"You're calling to cancel." Replied Casey recognising the tone of Alex's voice.

"Not cancel but postpone, this case has come up in DC and the Governor asked for me by name." Replied Alex sounding excited.

"So for the sake of your career I get pushed aside again." Replied Casey.

"Casey, I'm so sorry but I need to deal with this case, it's really important, the Governor asked for me my name, do you realise what that could mean for the future?" Argued Alex. "We can reschedule, it's only a month and I'll only be in DC a few days each week."

"No Alex, it's not a reschedule or the days you're away it's proof you think more of your career than you do of our marriage." Replied Casey as she paced her office.

"Casey, please tell me you understand and you support me on this." Replied Alex, sounding irritated.

"No Alex, I don't understand how you can say you love me and that I come before your career and then cancel our holiday, a holiday we need to take a case. You told me I wasn't trying hard enough in our marriage and so I've been trying, but you Alex, you aren't willing to change. All because it might boost your chances of becoming DA in the future." Replied Casey. Without waiting for a reply she hung up, throwing her phone down on her desk, as she paced she felt her anger grow until she was shaking with anger.

"Hey Case" seeing the defeated posture of her friend Abbie asked, "Oh no what's up? Let me guess Stabler put a defendant's head through the interrogation window...again."

"I'm not in the mood Abigail." Snapped Casey, glaring at her best friend, before dropping in the her chair and resting her head in her hands.

Holding her hands up Abbie sat in the chair opposite Casey's desk, "Sorry, I just came to see if you fancied getting a coffee, there's no need for throwing out Abigail bombs."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you. Its Alex." Replied Casey hating the tears that had crept into her voice. "You know we're supposed to be going to Hawaii on Friday? Well now she has taken a case that means she needs to fly between here and DC for however long the case lasts."

"Oh Case, I thought you guys were working things out?" Asked Abbie in a gentle tone knowing how much Casey had been hurting because of the rift between her and Alex. "Can I do anything?"

"Can I come stay with you for a while?" Asked Casey.

"Is it that bad?" Asked Abbie.

"I can't keep putting my heart on the line only for Alex to stomp on it." Replied Casey.

"Of course you can stay, anytime you know that. Casey are you thinking of divorce?" Asked Abbie.

"I honestly don't know." Replied Casey running her hands through her hair.

"You have my spare key come by when ever you need, I'll have the wine chilling. Casey, you should go home and talk to her before she leaves." Suggested Abbie as she stood to leave Casey's office.

"You're right. I'll see you later." Giving her friend a grateful hug Casey picked up her purse and drove home, hoping to catch her wife before she left for the airport.

Looking up Alex gave Casey a wide smile, "Casey, your home, I wasn't expecting to see you before I left."

"I wanted to see you before you left, we need to talk." Replied Casey putting her purse and briefcase on the couch before turning to face her wife.

"Casey..."

Holding her hand up to stop Alex, Casey took a deep breath, "Alex, I love you, I really do and I thought we had made some progress over the last week but I guess I was wrong. I'm sure you could come up with a long and eloquent speech that will convince me that you love me and that I'm the one being unreasonable." Giving a derisive laugh she went on. "But I can't do it anymore, I can't be second to your ambitions. I'm going to go stay with Abbie for a while, maybe some distance will help."

"Your leaving me? Do you want a...do you want a divorce?" Asked Alex.

"I don't know, but this...us isn't working." Replied Casey sadly, not looking at Alex in fear she would lose her resolve.

"Casey, please..." Alex was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"That'll be your car. You should go." Replied Casey in the same sad tone.

"Casey, please I don't want to leave like this." Begged Alex blinking back her tears. "Casey, I love you."

"You should go. I'll see you when you get back." Picking up her purse Casey walked up the stairs and into their bedroom, collapsing on the bed she allowed the tears she had held back throughout her conversation with Alex to fall.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex watched as Casey climbed the stairs, part of her wanted to follow her and talk but she knew Casey well enough to know the redhead needed time to calm down, if she went up there now they would end up in an argument and that wouldn't do them any good. Alex was pulled from her thoughts by another knock at the door she collected her bag and headed down to the waiting car.

As Alex climbed into the back of the car she pushed her dark glasses on to try and hide her tears, what had she done? Maybe she should turn the car around and go home and beg Casey not to leave her. When Branch had called and told her that the Governor had asked for her by name all she could see was a chance to be noticed by the right people.

She had always been ambitious, always had hopes of running for office she has known when she realised she was gay that it might be harder and for awhile she had considered staying in the closet and she did for many years. She was happy with casual flings and no strings attached stress relief and then she had met Casey. She know as soon as Casey smiled at her with those big green eyes that she was in trouble, when Casey had asked her on a date she had initially declined knowing Casey was 'out' but the she saw her with another woman and knew that she didn't want to miss out on the chance to be with Casey no matter the consequences.

Once they started dating Alex quickly realised that Casey wasn't as ambitious as she was but she would happily support Alex, but now Alex wondered if she had asked too much of her. She knew the best thing she could do for her marriage would be to call the Governor and decline his offer, from the back of a cab on her way home to her wife but her pride wouldn't let her. How could she go back on her word, what would that do to any hope she had of winning office in the future. No, she reasoned the best thing she could do is go to DC and finish the case as quickly as possible and then come back and win Casey's forgiveness. She was sure once Casey calmed down and thought things through she would understand and support Alex's decision.

She had known Casey wouldn't take the cancelled holiday well but the hurt in her wife's eyes shocked her. She felt like a hypocrite after everything she had said to Casey about making an effort she was the one who had gone back on her word and broken her promise. Dragging her hands through her hair again, she took a deep breath before fishing out her cellphone and dialled her wife's number unsurprised when it went through to voicemail,

"Casey, I know you don't want to talk to me right now and that's okay. But I love you and I know you probably don't believe that right now but I do. Casey please understand, the governor asked for me by name. Do you know what that means, it means I'm making a difference, so please, please support me on this. Please don't move out let's at least talk about this face to face. I'll be home Saturday. I love you." Hanging up she turned her phone off and threw it into her purse.

Deciding she needed a drink she made her way to the airport bar and ordered a shot of bourbon, swirling the amber liquid around the glass she thought about their wedding day and the promises they made each other. She had promised she would always put Casey ahead of herself, always make sure she was happy, that she felt loved and they would one day have a family. Swallowing the drink down in one swallow she grimaced at the taste, giving a bitter laugh she as she thought that wasn't the bitterest taste in her mouth, she had broken her promises to Casey time and time again what's worse she wasn't sure how to fix them.

Dragging her hands through her hair she stared out of the window, _What was she going to do? Could their marriage be saved? Did she want to save it?_

After an hour of crying Casey decided it was time to take a shower and face the world, as she waited for the water to heat up she played Alex's voicemail. Sighing she was even more confused now than she had been earlier, she would never stand in the way of Alex reaching her goals but on the other hand she just wanted her wife to put her first, to follow through on the promises she made.

Taking a shower Casey packed a bag and headed to Abbie's apartment, maybe a few days separation would put things in perspective for both of them. Picking up her cellphone she debated calling Alex back but settled on sending her an email,

_Alexandra,_

_I got your message, you're right I'm not ready to talk to you yet. I think it best if I stay with Abbie and Kate for a few days. Maybe we can have dinner Saturday night and work something out? Alex, I really think we should seriously discuss seeing a therapist. Because, clearly the problems run deeper than we thought. I love you Alex and I am proud of you, no matter what you might think I would just like to come before your career every now and then. I listened to everything you said and I tried to show you how much you mean to me, but it's like it's a one way street. I can't fix our marriage all by myself, you have to work at it as well. _

_Take care I'll see you Saturday._

_Casey._

Arriving at Abbie's apartment, she was surprised to find the brunette alone, "Hey, where's Kate?" Referring to Abbie's wife of two years.

Handing her friend a glass of bourbon she replied with a grin, "Visiting her folks, so you get me all to yourself. Unless she calls and needs a little Abbie lovin' over the internet.

Grinning at her friend Casey replied, "Thanks for the mental image... Not " Sighing she dropped her bag and purse down before looking at her friend, "How do you to make it work? You make it look so easy. I mean you both have busy and successful careers, yet you have a happy marriage."

"I don't know it just works." Replied Abbie, "Maybe because our careers are so different or because Kate makes sure we have date night once a month and we put aside half an hour a day to just talk to each other no TV no Cell Phones."

"The last date night we had Alex left me sitting alone in the restaurant all evening whilst she chatted with a political candidate at the next table." Snorting she went on, "Maybe it's me."

"Case, I don't really know what to say you need to talk to Alex. How about we get monumentally drunk and make prank calls? "Suggested the brunette with an evil grin.

Putting a hand on her chest Casey gave an exaggerated sigh, "On a school night? Why Abigail what are you trying to do to me?"

Pouring them both another generous measure of bourbon Abbie gave Casey a mischievous grin, "Shut up and drink Novak."

Three quarters of a bottle of Wild Turkey bourbon and a large pepperoni pizza later Abbie looked at Casey and asked, "Why did we never hook up?" as she refilled their glasses.

"Because we both like blondes and despite your insistence otherwise you're a happily married woman." Replied Casey swallowing the shot of bourbon Abbie had had poured her in one.

"Yeah I am. You were a blonde for a while, before you met the Polar Ice Cap." Replied Abbie attempting to point at Casey but missing the mark by a large margin owing to the large amount of alcohol they had consumed.

"That was a short lived experience." Snorted Casey. "Don't call her the Polar Ice Cap!"

"Okay, Ice Queen, Titanic sinker, her haughtyness." Suggested Abbie with a grin.

"Stop." Replied Casey clutching her stomach at the pain from laughing so much. "You're crazy you know that right?"

"Yeah, that's why you love me." Grinned Abbie, refilling their glasses.

Swirling the amber liquid around her glass Casey took a shuddering breath and roughly dragged her hand through her hair. "You know when I married Alex I thought all my dreams had come true, I thought I had finally found someone to put me first. How could I have been so wrong?" Standing she started to pace. "How could I be so wrong about everything?"

Watching as her friend pace Abbie took a deep breath, she knew this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation. She just hoped Casey would open up and it would provide some catharsis and help Casey work out what she wanted to do. "Case you knew she was ambitious when you married her. What's changed?"

Looking at her friend Casey sat back down and poured them both another shot, shaking the now empty bottle mumbling, "Oops."

Standing Abbie headed to the kitchen coming back with a full bottle, "We're good."

"I want a baby, not in a desperate steal one way, but a family that is ours. She keeps putting it off, then when I ask her about if she has all these reasons to keep putting it off."

"Does she want kids?" Asked Abbie struggling to imagine Alexandra Cabot as the maternal type.

"When we were dating we almost broke up because she didn't want kids but I do, we talked and she agreed to us having a family."

"You think she's changed her mind?" Asked Abbie opening the bottle and pouring them a drink they would both regret come the morning.

"She said she hadn't, but right now I think she would give it all up for the DA's chair, me included." Blinking back her tears Casey swallowed down her drink in one wincing at the pleasant burn.

"What are you going to do?" Asked Abbie wondering if she should take the bourbon away and make some coffee or at least get them some water. She was pulled from her musings when Casey began to speak again.

"I can't just walk away from my marriage, it might not be legal in the eyes of the church but I was raised Catholic and divorce goes against everything I believe. I suggested therapy but she shot the idea down so I really don't know." Replied Casey pouring another drink knowing she would regret it in the morning but not caring.

Before she could raise the glass to her mouth it was taken from her hand glaring at her friend but before she could speak Abbie beat her to it, "I'm going to make some coffee and get us some water."

"I would rather have the bourbon." Mumbled Casey.

Chucking Abbie passed her the bottle of water, "I know but you will thank me for it in the morning."

After their coffee Casey headed to bed, as she laid in the guest room of her best friends apartment it suddenly hit Casey just how bad things between her and Alex had become. She closed her eyes and tried to recall happier memories, their first date ice skating, the night Alex proposed, their wedding day but all she could see was cancelled dates, hours of silence as Alex worked late into the night and broken promises. _What was she going to do? Could their marriage be saved? Did she want to save it? _


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N; As I said this has taken a darker turn than first intended but there will be a happy ending...eventually. **

Waking up the following morning Casey groaned at the pounding in her head, she was convinced it was being used by a troop of tap dancing elephants. Wincing she sat up and immediately regretted the action, hearing a gentle knock on the door she mumbled a 'come in' and smiled gratefully at the sight of her best friend.

Abbie was dressed in Batman pyjamas she looked as fragile as Casey felt holding out a cup of coffee, a bottle of water and a pack of pain killers. "Thought you could use these?" Said Abbie with a grimace.

Casey swallowed two pills with half the bottle of water before speaking, "How much did we drink last night?"

"A bottle and a bit." Replied Abbie, flopping down on the pillow next to Casey. "Think we can call in sick?"

"Tempting as that sounds with Alex in DC I'm all alone in SVU." Replied Casey taking a sip of the coffee Abbie had brought in.

"I heard you were getting some help in the shape of Greylek." Grinned Abbie. "On the plus side she is almost as cold as Alex so you might not notice a difference."

"Joy, now I really am tempted to call in sick." Replied Casey, as much as she liked Kim she didn't need the sarcastic comments or the looks of love that she exchanged with Serena.

"She's not that bad, just a little...odd, that said she is a good attorney and a crusader for the victims so she will fit into SVU." Replied Abbie as she stole Casey's coffee cup.

"How do you know all this?" Asked Casey as she took her cup back and gave Abbie a glare for good measure.

"I was chatting with Liz yesterday." Replied Abbie reaching for the coffee.

"Get your own Carmichael." Replied Casey moving her coffee away from Abbie.

"Fine, I suppose I should start getting ready for work, Southerlyn is kind of scary if you're late." Replied Abbie standing and heading out of the bedroom. She stopped at the door and looked back at Casey who had yet to move, "Alex called me, she wanted to make sure you were okay."

"How nice." Replied Casey reaching across she checked her phone and saw she had ten missed calls from her wife and several voicemail messages. Deciding she would deal with Alex after she had showered and had more coffee.

"You know as much as I'm pissed at her for the way she treated you she sounded as heartbroken as you." Replied Abbie in a gentle voice.

"She left, not me." Replied Casey wincing as a stab of pain shot through her forehead.

"Technically you both left." Replied Abbie keeping her voice gentle.

"What am I supposed to do sit around and wait until she had time for me?" Asked Casey.

Sighing Abbie held her hands up as if in surrender, "I don't know what you're supposed to do, but I do know you need to talk to each other and ask the hard questions. I'm on your side Casey I always will be you know that, but hiding here and avoiding her calls isn't going to solve anything."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, I guess I'm just on edge." Replied Casey as she finally climbed out of bed. Seeing Abbie give her a small smile and a wave she knew she understood that Casey meant no offence and they were fine. As she waited for the water to get hot enough Casey pondered what to say to Alex, she was still angry but she didn't want an argument over the phone when they were so far apart. As she stepped under the spray she considered Abbie's words and decided she would move home and make Alex sleep in the spare room until she forgave her. With Alex being in DC several nights a week being in the same house would mean they could at least talk and fight on the nights she was home. Getting dressed the two shared a cab to work after deciding they probably shouldn't drive after the amount of alcohol they consumed the night before.

Waking into her office Casey's willingness to at least talk to Alex decreased as she looked at the large pile of folders stacked precariously piled on her desk. Groaning she decided on a coffee run before she called Alex, sitting back at her desk ten minutes later she dialled Alex's number massaging her temples as she waited for an answer.

"Cabot." Came the brisk greeting.

Rolling her eyes Casey knew Alex would have checked her caller ID therefore knowing exactly who it was calling before she answered. She could tell by the tone of her wife's voice that the blonde was pissed, "Hi, I'm sorry I missed your call's, I drank a little too much last night. So how's DC?" Asked Casey attempting to be civil.

"Fine." Came the one word reply.

Sighing Casey leaned back in her seat and took a breath before answering, "You know I was trying to be civil, I was trying to have a conversation with my wife. I assume you remember the vows we took? Not that they seem to mean much to you. I get it you're pissed at me because I didn't spend last night at home in the dark pining for you but guess what, you're not the only one entitled to a life. Have a good day Alex."

Without waiting for the blonde to reply Casey hung up and threw her phone down on the desk. Taking serval breaths she managed to regain control over her emotions and finished her coffee staring out of the window, debating whether to call Alex back or let her stew for a while. Finishing her coffee she slumped down in her chair, lamenting the fact she didn't have court today so baring a suspect being brought in she was going to be buried in paperwork all day.

Reaching out she pulled a file towards her intending to bury herself in work only for the precariously balanced pile to slide from her desk sending paper everywhere. Swearing loudly she knelt to start picking them up only to cut her finger on a stray staple, throwing the offending folder at the wall Casey couldn't hold back the frustrated tears that started to fall.

After an hour of brooding and staring at the same blank page Casey made a decision, looking up as Kim walked into her office she was snapped from her thoughts, wasting no time on small talk she asked, "Kim, I have an appointment. If the squad need anything can you deal with it until I'm back?"

"Sure, it's not like it's my first day or anything." Grumbled Kim.

Giving Kim a tight smile Casey headed for her car driving across town in the early afternoon traffic she could feel her heart pending as she neared her destination. Pulling into the parking lot she found herself staring at the name above the door, 'Greenway and Spencer, Divorce Lawyers.' Taking a breath she steeped out of the car and headed inside.

Alex stared down at her phone in disbelief Casey had just hung up on her, she was about to hit redial when she realised it wouldn't do any good they were both angry for different reasons and a fight wouldn't help their situation. Taking a deep breath she picked up her briefcase and headed to meet the Governor and find out more about this case, with any luck she would be on a flight back to New York that evening.

Deciding she would walk the short distance from her hotel to the Governors office to give herself time to think and focus on the case and not the state of her marriage. Twenty minutes and a large coffee later she arrived at the Governors office telling the receptionist who she was she walked to the window and looked out over the city. Whenever she was in DC she always got a tingle at the power that seemed to radiate from not only the people but the buildings themselves, hearing someone call her name she put on her game face.

Turning she came face to face with an attractive brunette, who greeted her with a large friendly smile, "Hello Miss Cabot, I'm Stacy and I'll be working with you."

"Hello Stacy, it's nice to meet you. Oh and it's Alex." Replied Alex with a smile as she followed the brunette into a large office. Four hours later Alex left the office and stepped out into the early afternoon sunlight, pulling her sun glasses on she rolled her shoulders trying to rid herself of the tension that had crept in at the things she had just learned.

Heading back to her hotel she quickly packed her bag and headed for the airport she could work from home over the weekend, as she wasn't needed in DC in person until Monday. As she waited for her flight she booked a table at Casey's favourite Italian restaurant and ordered some flowers to be delivered. She was under no illusion that flowers and a meal at a nice restaurant would be enough to fix things between her and Casey but she hoped it would at least show Casey she loved her and that she wanted to work things out.

As she sipped her coffee she opened the browser on her Ipad and began searching marriage councillors in New York, as much as she hated the idea herself she had spent the night before imagining her life without Casey and she was willing do try anything to avoid those thoughts becoming a reality. Sighing as her flight was delayed she tried calling Casey, getting no answer she decided on sending an email knowing Casey would open it because of work.

'Casey,' was as far as she got watching the cursor blinking innocently she wasn't sure where to start, what to say or if there was anything she could say to even start to heal the hurt she had caused her beautiful wife. A woman she didn't deserve to call her wife after being so selfish, frustrated with herself she slammed her Ipad case closed so she wouldn't have to look at the blank screen anymore.

Collecting her briefcase she headed to the airport gift shop she looked through the magazines and books, reading the blurbs of a few books anything to waste time until her flight was called. Picking up a copy if the first Game of Thrones books that Casey had raved about she headed to a seat near the window and tried to read. After re-reading the same page three times she gave up and tried calling Casey again,

"Casey, I'm sorry I was...I am a total idiot who doesn't deserve you. I'm waiting for a flight I need to see you, please have dinner with me tonight? Please believe me Cassandra, I love you and I know my promises mean little to you but I want to fix things."

Hanging up Alex looked down at her phone at the picture of the two of them on the beach taken last summer that she used as a screen saver, Casey's nose was scrunched up and they were both grinning widely. Smiling at the memory, her smile dropped when she remembered that the following day she had left Casey alone at the beach house they had rented, all because a high-profile case came up and Branch requested her especially and she knew it would bolster her chance as EADA when the position came up. Alex was relieved when her flight was called before her mind continued down the dangerous path that was sure to lead to tears.

Once settled on the plane she put in her headphones as Casey's favourite piece of music Pachelbel's Canon in D major began to play she pressed repeat and gave into her tears. Arriving in New York she washed her face and touched up her make up before taking a cab home, seeing Casey's car on the drive she felt her heart rate speed up paying the driver she headed inside. As she unlocked the door she frowned at the darkness, normally if Casey was home the lights and the TV or radio would be playing walking into the lounge she flicked the light on jumping when she saw Casey curled on the sofa her eyes red from crying.

Walking in she gently sat on the coffee table next to the sofa, "Casey?"

Not looking at Alex Casey's voice was hoarse as she replied, "Do you know what I did this afternoon?"

"No, what?" Asked Alex keeping her voice gentle.

"I saw a divorce lawyer." Replied Casey still not looking at Alex.

Swallowing thickly Alex asked, "Casey are you...do you want a divorce?"

Lifting her head Casey finally looked at Alex, "I don't know."


	7. Chapter 7

"Casey do you want a divorce?" Asked Alex again Casey's silence making her heart race.

"I don't know. What else is there to do." Replied Casey softly.

"What do you know?" Asked Alex with a bite of ice in her tone.

"I know I want a wife who doesn't always put work first, I want the things we planned, holidays, dates and a family. I know I love you and that I always will and I know I want you to want me." Replied Casey.

"I do want you Casey, I love you." Replied Alex. "Let's go out for dinner and talk, maybe some time together will show you how much I love you."

"That line is getting old Alexandra." Replied Casey. "Cancel the table, I'm going to take a shower and then we are going to talk this out. It ends tonight, we decide to either work it out or separate. I suggest whilst you freshen up you come up with some new material." Pausing at the bottom of the stairs she turned to face Alex who was still seated on the coffee table, "I put your stuff in the guest room."

Without turning to look at Casey she replied, "Thank you." As Alex listened to Casey's footsteps it suddenly hit her that she was on the brink of losing her wife. She had known things were rocky for a while but deep down she never thought Casey would seek a divorce. Swallowing the bile that was rising in her throat she stood and walked to the window, looking out she knew she would have to work hard to save marriage.

Heading to the guest room she cancelled their reservations and took a quick shower before dressing in sweats and one of Casey's softball shirts that she had stolen when they started dating. Pulling her hair into a ponytail she took a deep breath and headed back down stairs, seeing Casey on the couch dressed similarly she felt an unexpected sense of relief, if Casey was in her pyjamas that meant she wasn't planning on leaving.

"I can feel you staring at me." Said Casey with a small smile.

Blushing Alex walked over and sat on the sofa so they were facing each other. "Sorry, I've missed you."

Giving Alex a small smile Casey replied, "I missed you to Alex, I hate that you were away and we were fighting."

"Me to sweetie." Replied Alex reaching out for Casey's hand feeling a deep sense of disappointment what Casey moved her hand away.

"This isn't going to be fixed with flowers and an apology." Said Casey as she watched disappointment flash across Alex's face.

"I know that, I'm just not sure where to start." Admitted Alex.

"How about at the beginning." Suggested Casey. "You're the one who said things between us had become stagnant, you're the one who booked the holiday and you're the one who cancelled it all because the Governor asked for you by name. Which leads me to wonder if you value you're career more than you value our marriage."

"Casey that's ridiculous, what was I supposed to do turn the Governor down? Be reasonable."

"Reasonable? I was reasonable when you kept pushing our plans to start a family back, I was reasonable when you forgot our anniversary, I was reasonable when you forgot to pick my parents up at the airport and I was reasonable when you told me I was being distant. So no I won't be reasonable about this." Replied Casey standing she started to pace. "What comes first Alex me or your ambition?"

"Just because you don't have any ambitions, doesn't mean we're all happy being a ADA until we retire." Yelled Alex.

"I have ambitions, but mine don't come before our marriage."

"Really what? To always be able to pay your rent and put food on the table? Well congratulations by marrying me you achieved them with no hard work required." Her fear and anger making her lash out.

"Fuck you! I've never used your money or name nor would I and what's more you think being married to you is easy? You're a self-centred, egotistical, spoilt, selfish brat with a silver spoon wedged up your ass." Snapped Casey her ears glowing red in anger.

"Then why the fuck did you marry me?" Asked Alex her face as white as Casey's ears.

"Because I loved you." Slumping down on the sofa all the fight left her. "I love you."

"Loved?" Asked Alex also sitting. "Or love?"

"Did you know the first time we met wasn't in your office?" Seeing Alex frown she continued, "I was waitressing to pay for Law School and you came in with a group of friends including Kim and Serena. You spilt your drink and so you looked at me and clicked your fingers and said, 'Don't just stand their looking confused clean it up moron. My outfit probably cost more than your house.' I wanted to slap the smug look of your face." Giving a shake of the head she went on.

"Then we met at work and I recognised you straight away, it didn't surprise me you didn't recognise me Serena did though. As time went on and we became friends I saw a different you, but I guess I was wrong and deep down you're always been a spoilt rich girl looking down on me."

"Casey what has that got to do with my question?" Asked Alex sounding confused.

"I don't really know."

"You've said that a lot." Replied Alex with a frustrated sigh.

"I know, do you love me?" Asked Casey running a hand through her hair.

"Yes."replied Alex without hesitation.

"Even though I'm beneath you? My ambitions aren't career driven like yours? I want a family not the DA's chair. Can you honestly say that once we have children you will be a present parent? You won't forget birthdays, anniversaries, sports games or recitals. I won't be raising our children alone?"

"I have never considered you beneath me, what I said before I was out of line. I've never thought you married me for any reason but because you love me. I want both." Replied Alex. "You and a career."

"And if you can't have both, which then will you choose?" Asked Casey, fighting the battle to hold back her tears. "Because as much as I love you and I do, if you choose your career then I don't see how this can work."

"Casey, we can make it work. I know we can." Replied Alex pulling Casey into her arms.

Leaning back Casey took a deep breath. "You need to choose Alex, because it's not fair to either of us to keep this up."

"Do you want a divorce?" Asked Alex.

"No I want you, I want to have children with you, grow old with you and spend our retirement touring Europe just like we planned. But my heart hurts so much when you put me second, forget dates and ignore me. So you have to make a choice Alex because I don't think we can make it work, I don't think you can have both. Not like this."

"So you want me to give up everything I've worked for?" Asked Alex.

"No, I would never hold you back, if you want to be DA then I will support you I just need you to remember you have a wife."

"Casey, my ambitions haven't changed in the time we've been together. Maybe it's you who has changed."

Giving a sad smile Casey replied, "Maybe we both have."

"What do we do?" Asked Alex tightening her hold on Casey as if afraid to let her go.

"Maybe we should separate for a while, give us both time to do some soul searching?" Suggested Casey.

"I don't want to lose you." Replied Alex claiming Casey's lips in an emotional kiss. Tangling her hands in Casey's hair she deepened the kiss. Braking the kiss she whispered, "Let me make love to you."

Taking Alex's hand Casey led her to their bedroom where they spent the night tasting, touching and memorising each other's bodies. As the sun crept up the following morning they laid together under the sheets, their sweaty bodies tangled together the silence stretching between them.

Rolling on her side Alex brushed a strand of hair behind Casey's ear and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I have hurt in the past and I'm sorry you questioned my love for you."

"I'm sorry to, maybe I have changed." Replied Casey as she joined their hands.

"What do we do?" Asked Alex. "Do you want to try separation?"

"Maybe, God this is so hard."

"Maybe I should go back to DC early?" Suggested Alex.

Resting her head on Alex's chest Casey asked, "What do you want? You keep asking if I want to separate, if I want a divorce. What do you want? How do you think we make it better?"

Sighing Alex replied, "I want you, I want a family but at the same time I want my career, I want to achieve all the goals I've had since law school. Can you support me in that?"

"I've always supported you and I always will, no one is prouder of you than I am."

"I sense a but coming?"

"But, I need you to be a wife not just a lawyer." Replied Casey. "Maybe we should try therapy?"

"I'm not doing therapy, I'm not telling a stranger our problems." Replied Alex.

"Then I don't know what else to suggest." Replied Casey sadly as she sat up clutching the sheet to her chest.

"I'll go back to DC for a week give us time to think." Replied Alex slipping from the sheets she started pulling on her robe.

"No, if you leave before we sort this, then that's it. No more living in limbo, I can't keep living like this."

"We're not getting anywhere. We both need time apart to think."

"So your walking away again?" Asked Casey pulling on her sweats and shirt that had been discarded the night before.

"This arguing...I can't give you what you want." Snapped Alex. "Children, matching Christmas jumpers and monthly date nights. That's not me that's not what I want." Shouted Alex before putting a hand over her mouth. "Casey.."

"No, I think that says it all. You should leave." Replied Casey walking out of the room.

Packing a bag Alex let her tears fall she had really screwed up this time, walking down the stairs with her bag in hand she saw Casey curled up on the couch staring blankly at the wall. "Casey, please I don't want to leave with things like this."

"I don't either, but I don't know what else to say." Replied Casey not looking away from the spot on the wall.

"I'll call you when I'm settled in to the hotel." Said Alex as she pressed a kiss to the top of Casey's head.

"Be safe." Was Casey's reply.

Once Alex had left Casey stood and walked to the shelf and picked up the picture of the two of them on their wedding day, it was a candid shot taken by Liv of the two of them dancing. Maybe she should have tried harder, should have been more supportive and now her wife had left and all she had said was 'be safe' there were no 'I love you's', no lingering kisses just anger and sadness.

She looked up in confusion hearing the door open and close, she knew it was Alex, she could tell by the heels and purposeful stride. "What are you doing back?"

Without answering Alex walked across and took the picture from Casey's hand and drew her in for a hard kiss. When it ended she rested their foreheads together, "I couldn't get on the plane without telling you I love you. I couldn't leave without telling you I would choose you every time and our family. If it means I'll lose you then I will call the Governor now and tell him to find someone else and we can be on a plane to Hawaii or London on an hour."

Casey was crying now for a different reason, "I don't want you to give up your dream I just needed to know you would choose me. I'll make you a deal go to DC win this case and I'll support you but when your back we see a therapist."

"Casey I don't..." She was stopped by Casey taking a step back.

"You can't just say you will fix this, you have to show it. Please Alex we have to both work at this."

Alex realised Casey was right, "Okay, we can try therapy."

"Thank you." Leaning into Alex's embrace Casey breathed in the scent of her wife and hoped this was the start of healing.


	8. Chapter 8

They had spent the rest of the day talking and relaxing in each other's company, Alex had rearranged her flight for Sunday evening meaning they could spend the weekend together before she had to leave for DC.

Friday evening they were curled up together on the sofa, Casey's head was in Alex's lap as they watched The Fellowship of the Ring. Running her fingers through Casey's hair Alex asked, "What would you like to do this weekend?"

Humming in pleaser it took Casey a moment to reply, "This." Laughing as Alex rolled her eyes. "We could go see a movie? We're having lunch with the girls on Sunday."

"Oh what about ice skating?" Suggested Alex.

"Sounds good, maybe we can go to that Sushi place you like afterwards?" Suggested Casey looking forward to spending time with Alex. She knew they had a lot of work to do to fix their marriage, but she hoped Alex had realised how close to losing Casey she came and would follow through with her promises this time.

"That sounds like the perfect way to spend a Saturday." Replied Alex leaning down and pressing a kiss to Casey's mouth.

"It does." Replied Casey. "I'm going to miss you when you're in DC."

"I'll miss you. I should only be gone three nights unless something major comes up and we can Skype every night."

"Maybe I can come stay in DC with you one weekend? We always said we were going to spend a weekend visiting all the museums." Suggested Casey.

"That sounds perfect. I really am going to work hard to show you how much I love you. I know it's not going to be fixed overnight but we can do it." Said Alex.

"I'll talk to George next time I see him, get him to recommend a councillor. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to truly realise what needs fixing."

"I think you're right. We're going to fix this, there is no option I don't ever want to live without you in my life." Replied Alex sharing one more kiss she relaxed back into Casey's embrace as they watched the rest of the film in relaxed silence.

Waking up the following morning Casey stretched surprised to find cold sheets and not her sleeping wife, frowning she was about to get up and go search of her when the door opened and Alex came in carrying a tray.

"Breakfast is served." Smiled Alex seeing Casey awake and sitting up in bed, she always loved it when Casey first woke up she always looked cutely disheveled.

"What are you smirking at?" Asked Casey as she watched the wide smile spread across Alex's face.

"Just thinking how cute you look in the mornings." Replied Alex passing the tray to Casey and settled on the bed next to her pouting wife.

"Cute?" Asked Casey as she took the coffee cup Alex handed her and took a grateful swig.

"Yes cute, waking up to you has always been one of my favourite ways to start the day." Grinned Alex.

"I've always loved falling asleep next to you, the way your body fits so perfectly against mine." Replied Casey. Pecking her wife on the lips they shared a relaxed breakfast before heading out for the day.

Arriving at the ice rink Casey watched as Alex glided across the ease with ease and a grace that even on her best day Casey couldn't replicate.

She was pulled from her thoughts by Alex, "Come on, I'll hold your hand."

"Fine as long as you promise not to laugh when I fall on my ass." Replied Casey as she took Alex's hand.

"I'll even kiss it better." Grinned Alex as she pulled her reluctant wife on to the ice, where she almost immediately fell on her ass. Biting back a laugh Alex helped her up, "Keep hold of my hands this time."

"Fine." Grumbled Casey as Alex held her hands to her and skated backwards almost as easily as she skated forwards and led her around the rink several time. "I think I'm getting it."

"Shall I let go?" Asked Alex. Seeing Casey shake her head no she kept their hands joined, just as she felt Casey start to relax the redhead stumbled and fell towards Alex sending them both crashing to the ice in a tangle in limbs. Sitting on the ice Alex was crying with laughter as she watched Casey try several times to get back to her feet.

Glaring at her laughing wife Casey said, "You could help me up you know."

"I know but you're cute when you get all flustered." Laughed Alex standing and holding her hand out to Casey. "Come on let's get a hot drink."'

"If you want to stay on the ice, I'm happy to watch." Replied Casey placing a soft kiss on the tip of Alex's nose. "I love watching you skate you're so graceful."

"Thank you, I'm always surprised you can't skate considering how sporty you are." Teased Alex as she led them to the side. "I love watching you play softball the way your muscles move and the powerful way you swing the bat always gets me hot and bothered."

Gulping at the look of lust in Alex's now dark blue eyes Casey whispered, "So lunch..."

Grinning Alex replied, "I would rather go home I want you."

The drive home was filled with an excited tension, Alex kept her hand on Casey's leg as she drove trailing her fingers along the seam of Casey's jeans getting higher each time. "If you keep that up I'm going to crash."

"Then drive faster, I'm not sure I can wait much longer." Purred Alex, smiling as Casey pressed harder on the accelerator, tires screeching as she pulled onto the drive.

Casey began kissing the back of Alex's neck as she tried to undo the door, dropping her keys she turned to glare at her wife. Only for Casey to press their bodies flush together against the wall and claimed the blondes lips in a bruising kiss. Keeping hold of Alex's hands in her own she pressed her knee against the blonde core, causing Alex to moan into the kiss.

Braking the kiss Alex looked into Casey's eyes dark with desire she whispered "We should go inside."

Growling in response Casey, took the keys from Alex and quickly unlocked the door. Once they were in the hall Casey waisted no time in dragging Alex's shirt over her head before bringing her lips to the blondes neck once again, placing kisses along the delicate skin she bit down on Alex's pulse point hard enough to leave mark. Soothing the red mark with a gentle kiss before pushing the straps of the blondes bra down and bringing her mouth to Alex's nipple, dragging her teeth across the stiff bud before soothing it with the flat of her tongue. Making sure to keep Alex pressed against the wall, Casey wrapped the blondes long legs around her waist as she claimed her lips again.

Undoing the button on Alex's jeans Casey slid her hand inside moaning in pleasure at the wetness that coated her fingers, entering Alex roughly they both cried our in pleasure as Casey set a steady rhythm causing Alex to come quickly. Sharing another bruising kiss Casey carried her towards their bedroom.

Throwing Alex gently on to the bed they both stopped quickly meeting in the middle of the bed sharing another blistering kiss. Pushing Casey on to her back Alex trailed her fingertips down Casey's body and grinned at the goosebumps that arose at her touch, dragging them across Casey's sensitive core she moaned at the wetness that had gathered between her wife's legs.

"Please Alex, don't tease me." panted Casey.

With out replying Alex used her thigh to spread Casey's legs entered her with two then three fingers causing her to arch up off the bed. Curing her fingers it didn't take long for Casey's to cum calling Alex's name.

Flipping them over Casey began kissing her way down Alex's stomach and ran her tongue through the waiting wetness, she pressed her hand to the bottom of Alex's stomach to stop her moving, and grazed Alex clit with her teeth before running the tip of her tongue around it and sucking it into her mouth. Feeling Alex's orgasm approaching Casey entered her scissoring her fingers until Alex came chanting her name.

Kissing her way up her panting lover, Casey placed gentle kisses across Alex's stomach and each breast before placing a gentle kiss on Alex's lips.

Pushing Casey on to her back, Alex straddled her wife's waist, running her hands over Casey's toned stomach pinching a stiff nipple between her fingers, before leaning down and taking it into her mouth flicking it with her tongue. Trailing kisses across to the other dusky peak Alex dragged her teeth across the sensitive bud causing Casey to arch her back.

Kissing her way down Casey's stomach and thighs Alex ran her tongue through her wetness, purring at the taste the vibrations causes Casey to arch her back and tangle her fingers in Alex's hair. Grinning at Casey's reactions Alex entered her two fingers whilst her tongue teased her sensitive clit, it didn't take long for Casey's orgasm to rip through her.

As Alex crawled her way back up Casey's body she felt Casey enter her throwing her head back she entered Casey, rocking together Casey soon came biting down on Alex's pulse point, the feeling of Casey's climax and her teeth on her skin caused Alex to cum just seconds later.

Collapsing in the bed their sweaty bodies pressed together they were soon asleep waking up they made love again slowly and tenderly before ordering take-out and spending the night making love.

Waking up Sunday morning they shared a steamy shower before heading to Abbie and Kate's for lunch with their friends. Arriving at Abbie and Kate's apartment Alex suddenly felt nervous, Abbie was Casey's best friend and not shy it letting people know when she was displeased with them, she just hoped Kate would use her calming influence and stop Abbie kicking her ass.

Casey could sense Alex's nerves and reached down to give her hand a reassuring squeeze and whispered, "I'll protect you from the big bad Texan."

Before Alex could reply the door was opened by a grinning Abbie, "It's the Calex's late as always."

"What the hell is a Calex?" Asked Casey as she handed Abbie the wine they had brought with them.

"Ah my dear Cassandra it is an amalgamation of your names." Grinned Abbie pleased with herself.

"Are you drunk Abigail?" Replied Casey returning the first name bomb her friend had just dropped on her. "So you would be Abbate? And Kim and Serena would be Kerena? And what about Liv and Amanda? Limanda?" Asked Casey with a chuckle.

Rolling her eyes at the two women Alex greeted the others and they were soon enjoying a lively lunch with their friends. They had just finished their coffee's when Abbie cornered Alex in her way back from the bathroom. "Abigail."

"Look I'll come straight to the point please stop hurting Casey, I'm sick of seeing my friend crying over you. Especially when she doubts herself and her worth as a person."

Holding her hand up Alex replied,"I'll return the favour and come straight to the point, my marriage is none of your business."

"The fuck it is, when she is crying on my shoulder." Replied Abbie her accent becoming thicker showing her anger.

Before Alex could reply they were interrupted by Casey. "Hey, Al we should head to the airport." After saying their goodbyes they headed to the airport, "I'm sorry if Abbie gave you a hard time."

"It's okay, I deserved it." Replied Alex in an icy tone. "I mean I'm the wicked witch."

Turning her head at Alex's tone Casey sighed she didn't want to part on a fight. "Alex.."

"Forget it Casey." Replied Alex.

The rest of the drive was spent in a tense silence, pulling into the car-park Casey looked at her wife who was staring out of the window, "Please Alex, I don't want to part like this."

"Neither do I, but I'm not the only one who has made mistakes in our marriage and yet I'm the villain." Replied Alex.

"Al..."

"Look I need to catch my plane, let's not get into this now." Replied Alex.

"Want me to wait with you?" Asked Casey as she helped Alex get her bag out of the trunk.

"No, you should get home. I'll call you when I arrive at the hotel." Replied Alex with a tight smile.

"I love you Alex." Replied Casey pulling Alex in for a kiss.

"I love you to Case, I'm sorry I guess Abbie's words hurt because she was right." Replied Alex.

After several more kisses Casey had reluctantly left her wife at the airport and drive home alone. They had talked for an hour on Skype Sunday night but as Casey laid awake in the early hours of the morning she realised how much she missed having Alex in bed next to her.

Walking down the steps outside court on Monday Casey was deep in conversation with Abbie, they had just closed a big case and were debating where to go for lunch to celebrate when a car screeched to a stop in front on them and a deafening bang rang out.

Dropping to the floor Abbie watched as the car sped away turning her head to check on Casey her eyes went wide when she was the blood seeping through her friends coat, crawling across she quickly shrugged out of her own jacket and pressed it to the wound as she screamed for help.

"Stay with me Casey. Someone help, she's been shot."

**A/N; Sorry...**


	9. Chapter 9

"Stay with me Casey. Someone help, she's been shot." Yelled Abbie the echo of the gun shots still ringing in her ears. Feeling a pair of arms pulling her backwards she tried to fight them until she saw it was Munch.

"What happened?" Asked the tall detective as they watched Melinda Warmer and Liv start to examine Casey.

"We were coming down the steps after court and this big black car screeched up and there was a shot I dropped to the floor and when I got up I saw the blood on Casey's jacket." Recounted Abbie her accent thick with fear.

"Bus is one minute out." Said Liv from her spot next to Casey. "Come on Case talk to us." She was concerned at the amount of blood pooling under her friend.

"Not the dead person doctor." Moaned Casey lightly as Melinda pressed down on the wound causing her to wince in pain.

"Don't worry counsellor you're not going to be needing my service for a very long time." Replied Warner pressing harder on the wound that was bleeding heavily. Seeing Casey's eyes start to drift close she tried to rouse her, "Come in Casey stay awake."

"Alex?" Asked Casey in a weak voice.

"She's in DC, I'll go and get her myself just promise to stay awake for me. Stay awake for Alex." Promised Liv.

"Can't. So tired and cold." Whimpered Casey.

"Yes you can. The ambulance is here now." Replied Liv. "They're going to fix you up."

As they loaded Casey into the ambulance Abbie at her side Liv called her Captain and explained the situation, by the time she arrived at the airport there was a plane waiting to take her to DC. Once the plane had taken off she headed into the bathroom to finish washing Casey's blood off her hands, changing into the fresh outfit she had purchased at the airport she spent the rest of the forty minute flight searching for a way to tell Alex what had happened and praying Casey was going to be okay.

**Meanwhile in Washington DC,**  
As Alex walked into her temporary office Monday morning she set about making it a little more homely, placing the picture of her and Casey at the beach on her desk along with the wooden owl Casey had brought her when they were on their honeymoon. She gave a small smile, she and Casey had talked for several hours the night before and again for twenty minutes this morning and although she knew they still needed to work on their marriage she didn't feel as if they were on the brink of divorce.

Hearing a knock on the door she smiled at the sight of Stacy holding up a large cup of coffee, "You read my mind."

"Just what you need on a Monday morning." replied the young assistant still hesitating in the doorway.

"You can come in, despite what you may have heard I don't bite." Smiled Alex hoping to put the younger woman at ease, she had read her file and knew she had graduated near the top of her class and was a scholarship student meaning she had been appointed to the Governors office through ability and not personal connections.

Smiling Stacy replied, "I've only heard good things, I'm really looking forward to watching you work."

"Good as long as you pull your weight and approach this professionally we will get along just fine, if you need anything or are unsure you can talk to me night or day." Replied Alex before adding, "And you keep bringing me coffee."

"I'll remember that. The defendant wants a meeting with us this morning I scheduled it for eleven? The lead investigator a Special Agent Howard and his partner Agent Jinks are meeting us there."

"Okay that gives us just under two hours to go over the files." Replied Alex splitting the large pile of papers on her desk holding half out to Stacy.

"Do you think he wants to make a deal?" Asked Stacy taking the pile of papers Alex held out to her.

"Possibly, what do you think our approach should be if he asks us for one?" Asked Alex wanting to get a read on Stacy's views and prosecuting style.

"We have more than enough evidence to win the case without his cooperation, so it depends what he wants and what he is willing to offer in return."

"Such as?" Asked Alex impressed.

"If he offers up the leader of the operation we might remove the death penalty." Seeing Alex smile she knew she was on the right path.

"Thats about all I'm willing to negotiate on, although personally I want this guy's nuts in a vice." Replied Alex.

"I agree, so I'll go read over these and meet you back here in an hour to strategies." Replied Stacy with a small smile as she left.

Arriving at the Federal building two hours later Alex went through the security procedure on auto pilot although she could tell Stacy was nervous, leaning close she whispered, "Relax, these are the good guys."

"Sorry, its my first time." Replied Stacy jumping as the agent waved the wand over her.

"I remember my first time, it was in the back of my then girlfriends Jeep." Smirked Alex with a wink.

Stacy was so startled by the blondes words she gave a bark of laughter, "Oh my God!"

"Mine was in my boyfriends parents garden shed." Added the guard, causing the younger woman to laugh again.

Giving the guard a wink of thanks Alex followed him to the conference room on the third floor, where the two case agents were waiting for them. Walking in Alex studied the two agents, the female agent introduced as Agent Jinks was in her early thirties, blonde with a slight English accent the other Agent Howard was a balding mad who could stand to lose twenty pounds, he seemed to have an agenda.

After introductions they got down to business, Agent Howard stepped forward and clicked on a large screen pulling up Williams mug shot, "This is Danny 'D' Williams he was arrested after a sting operation involving human trafficking from Mexico. He is high level so any information he is willing to trade will be considered."

"I won't cut him a deal for information we can find another way, he is responsible for a number of rapes and murders, including the murder of two highly decorated police officers." Replied Alex.

"This isn't a trial Cabot its a meeting and you will do as we say or I will personally see to it that you get bounced all the way back to New York." Snapped Howard with a steely glare to match Alex's.

"I was invited in by the Governor because I have dealt with these type of cases before, I assure you I will prosecute this case the best way I see fit and if you don't like it I suggest you take it up with the Governor." Replied Alex.

Before Howard could reply Agent Jinks stepped in to play peace maker a role Alex was sure she had been forced to adopt many times before, "We're all on the same side here, let's go and see what he wants before we decide whether or not to give it to him."

Agreeing the four made their way to the interview room where William's and his lawyer were waiting, Alex and Howard went in whilst Stacy and Agent Jinks observed.

Walking in Alex was forced to suppress a shudder of revulsion as she looked at the heavily tattooed man staring at her as if imagining her death in a variety of imaginative ways. Putting on her game face she sat down and calmly arranged her folder and legal pad on the table before addressing the two men opposite. "You asked for this meeting and I'm a very busy woman so lets hear it."

"I want a deal." demanded Williams.

"I'm listening?" Replied Alex.

"I'll give you the time, location and date of the next shipment in exchange for witness protection."

"No deal." Replied Alex before Howard could speak she started re-packing her briefcase. "As I said I'm very busy. Good day gentlemen." She had reached the door when Williams spoke again.

"If you pursue this case your life will never be the same again."

"Are you threatening me?" Asked Alex not bothering to turn around.

"No, It's a promise." Replied Williams leaning back in his seat looking relaxed.

Spinning on her heel Alex placed her hands flat on the table and replied, "This meeting is over, I'm going home to my comfortable home whilst you head back to your six by eight feet concrete box for twenty-three hours a day until they put a needle in your arm."

"Screw you bitch. I'm gonna wipe that smug look off your face." Screamed Williams at Alex's retreating back.

Once outside the room Alex took a few calming breaths before turning to address the two agents and Stacy, "Well that went well."

"Alex, that was a direct threat." argued Howard. "I'm arranging a protection detail for you and Stacy, as well as contacting the NYPD and arranging one for your husband."

"Wife, I have a wife." Replied Alex with a tight smile.

"Oh, well however unnatural I suppose she needs protecting as well." replied the agent walking away before Alex could respond.

Walking back into her office Alex was still seething with anger at Williams and Howard throwing her briefcase down with more force than was necessary she slumped in her chair, looking at her watch she saw that Casey should be out of court for lunch and was about to reach for her phone when there was an urgent knock on her office door, calling out a firm 'Come in' she sat up straighter when she saw Liv walk in.

"Liv, what the hell are you doing here?" Asked Alex.

Taking a deep breath Liv replied, "Alex, there was a shooting at the court-house this morning. Casey was hurt."

"Don't be stupid I spoke to her this morning." Replied Alex as she reached for her cell phone and dialled Casey number from memory. As it went through to voicemail she began to panic as she watched pity and fear play out across her friends face. Dropping her phone she put her head in her hands, "This can't be happening."

"Alex, I have a plane waiting for us we can be at the hospital in two hours." Seeing Alex yet to move she walked around the desk and sat on the edge, "Alex, come on Casey needs you."

These words seemed to snap Alex out of her thoughts, "How bad is it Liv?"

"She was awake when as they loaded her into the ambulance, and when I spoke to Abbie just now she said Casey was in theatre." Replied Liv.

"Okay, I need to tell people I'm leaving. Give me five minutes." Replied Alex standing and smoothing her skirt before striding out of her office her steps full if purpose. She was back in her office exactly three minutes later.

Twenty minutes later the two were on the plane a tense silence between them, as Alex stared out of the small window she prayed for her wife. How could this be happening to them, it was all her fault if she hadn't taken the case then none of this would've happened. She didn't deserve Casey, the truth was she never had and now she might lose her before she got chance to tell her how much she loved her, how much she needed her.

She was so lost in her thoughts she jumped when Liv placed a hand on her arm to let her know they had arrived. The journey to the hospital passed in a blur the conversation between Liv and Elliott sounded as if it was coming through a badly tuned radio. She knew at some point she would have to tell them about the threats made but all she could focus on was Casey, her precious wife who was fighting for her life because of Alex's ambition.

Arriving at the hospital they met Abbie in the waiting room, the sight of Abbie White shirt covered in blood caused bile to rise in Alex's throat excusing herself she rushed to the nearest bathroom. Wiping her face she looked up as the door opened, seeing Abbie's pale reflection in the mirror she sent her a tentative smile.

"The doctor is waiting on you to give an update."

"Okay." Replied Alex. "Abbie, I'm so fucking frightened."

Walking over Abbie placed a supportive hand on her back, "Me to, but you're not alone."

"Thank you, I'm sorry I was such a bitch yesterday."

"Forgiven." Smiled Abbie taking Alex's hand and leading her back to the waiting room. "Hey Doc, this is Casey's wife Alex."

"Hello Alex, as you know Casey was brought in with a gunshot to the abdomen. We were able to stop the bleeding and fix the damage. However, she lost a lot of blood and coded once on the table we were able to get her back quickly so we don't expect there to be any significant damage."

"So she will be okay?" Asked Alex.

"I'm afraid it's too early to say, she came through surgery which is a very good sign. The next twenty-four hours will be critical."

"Can I see her?"

"Of course, follow me." Replied the doctor.

Sitting in the bed next to Casey Alex had to swallow down her fear at the sight if her wife so still and pale. Taking one of Casey's hands in hers she whispers, "Hey Casey, I love you so much. Please you need to wake up for me. I'm so sorry this happened to you my beautiful angel. I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry."

As Alex held Casey's hand and whispered words of love and encouragement the sun set and people came and went.

All of a sudden the machines began to bleep and the room flooded with people, after ten minutes of activity the doctor turned to Alex, "I'm sorry Mrs Cabot there was nothing we could do."

"No. No she can't be gone! Please God no" Screamed Alex.


	10. Chapter 10

_All of a sudden the machines began to bleep and the room flooded with people, after ten minutes of activity the doctor turned to Alex, "I'm sorry Mrs Cabot there was nothing we could do."_

_"No. No she can't be gone! Please God no" Screamed Alex._

Walking in to Casey's room after a coffee run Liv could hear Alex whimpering in her sleep, putting the coffee down she gently shook the blonde to wake her up. "Al, it's okay. Wake up you just were dreaming."

Bolting up in her chair. "Liv? She died, they said Casey was gone." Whispered Alex as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. "I can't lose her, please Liv don't let them take her away from me."

"No one is going to take her away from you. It was just a dream Al, look Casey is still here." Replied Liv gently. "Touch her."

"I don't deserve her." Cried Alex all the emotions of he last few weeks catching up with her. "Oh god Liv I could lose her and she won't know how much I love her. This is all my fault."

"Alex, calm down and take a breath." Said Liv squatting in front of the trembling blonde rubbing her hands until she had calmed down. "Why do you think this your fault sweetie?"

"He threatened me." Whispered Alex.

"Who?" Asked Liv in a soft voice. Getting no response she tried again, "Al, who threatened you?"

"The case I'm working on in DC, they were going to arrange protection. I shouldn't have taken the case and now Casey is hurt and it's all my fault." Replied Alex dissolving in tears again. "I'm sorry I should have told you straight away."  
"It's okay, I'm going to arrange for someone to be outside the old at all times." Realising she wasn't going to get anything from Alex until she calmed down Liv decided to find Elliott and get him to ring DC directly for the information.

"Why the hell is she just mentioning this to us now?" Demanded Stabler as he pulled out his phone and began making arrangements for a protective detail for the two lawyers.

"Give her a break El, she had other things on her mind." Replied Liv, before being I turnover by the ringing of her phone. After a brief conversation Liv hung up and walked back to Elliott and Abbie.

"Hey Abb's how you holding up?" Asked Liv with a small smile towards the unusually quiet Texan.

"I'm not sure." Relied Abbie with a small shrug. "Do you have any news?"

"Amanda and Fin have a lead on the car and forensics are back the angle doesn't match a professional hit." Replied Liv. "I should go check on Alex, she was really upset."

After Liv had left Alex took Casey's hand once more reassured day the feel if Casey's warm skin and pulse. "Casey, I love you and I am so sorry for everything. I promise once you're awake I'm going to be a better wife but you have to wake up for me. Please Casey, I can't live without you."

Falling silent she listened to the bleeping of the machines that confirmed Casey was alive, looking up as Liv came back in and asked, "How you doing?"

"Better, I'm sorry about that. Do you have any leads?" Asked Alex

Nodding Liv explained, "Judging by the poor angle of the shot, we don't think it was a professional hit, Kim and Serena are going through all of Casey's open cases and Munch and Cragen are talking to anyone they flag up. Amanda and Fin are following up a lead on the car and my and Elliott will be here until a protection detail arrive."

"Okay, thank you." Replied Alex with a small smile at her friend.

"Can you think of any SVU cases that we should look at? Any threats other than the one made in DC?" Asked Liv. "Has Casey maybe mention anyone making threats?"

"I've been so wrapped up in myself I haven't paid a lot of attention to the cases or my wife." Whispered Alex.

"Alex, I know things between the two of you have been strained recently but you're not a bad person. Casey loves you and you love her that's clear to everyone who knows the two of you. Every relationship has its ups and downs, yours is no different but you'll work it out and come out the other end stronger than ever."

"She consulted a divorce lawyer." Confessed Alex in a whisper. "I hurt her so badly she thought about leaving me."

"Oh sweetie..." Started Liv.

"I made her feel like she was beneath me and only married to me because I have money. I know it's not true but I said it anyway. What sort of person does that make me?" Asked Alex.

"We all say things we don't mean in the heat of an argument. Alex you'll work it out of that I have no doubt."

"What if she doesn't wake up." Whispered Alex confessing her deepest fear.  
"You've met Casey right?" Asked Liv with a soft laugh. "That woman is as stubborn as you are, she'll wake up and demand to know why we're all making a fuss. Besides, she already told Melinda she wouldn't be needing her."

"That's my girl." smiled Alex taking Casey's hand and pressing a kiss to it.

"It was the thought of you that kept her awake and fighting as we waited for the ambulance. She loves you Alex, you were what she was fighting for so I have no doubt she will wake up soon because you asked her to. Keep talking to her and telling her how much you love and she will come back to you."

"Thank you Liv you're a good friend." Replied Alex.

"Any time." Replied Liv. "How about I go get you a sandwich and a proper coffee?"

"The coffee sounds nice, I'm not really hungry." Replied Alex.

"You need to take care of yourself Al, Casey is going to need you once she wakes up." Replied Liv as she left.

For two days Alex sat by Casey's bed only leaving to freshen up or when she was forced to by either nursing staff or friends to go and eat something proper. As each hour passed she was becoming increasing frustrated that Casey had yet to wake up despite the doctors insistence she would wake up when she was ready. They still hadn't had any luck finding the person responsible for shooting Casey. They had found out that Danny 'D' Williams had been killed in a prison fight and thanks to information a gained from an informant knew he didn't have the clout needed to order a hit on Alex. This meant they were looking for someone related to a case Casey was working on. As time passed they considered the shooter may have been aiming for Abbie so began searching through her cases as well.

Returning from a forced walk to the coffee shop Alex saw Liv and Amanda sitting with Casey, "Hey, when did you get here?"

"About ten minutes ago, we sent Abbie home to sleep she looks almost as bad as you." Replied Amanda. "Honestly Alex you should try to get some sleep,you need to be healthy for Casey."

"Maybe I'll be able to sleep once you do your job and catch the person responsible." Snapped Alex.

"Actually, that's why we're here." Replied Liv. "We have the shooter in custody and she has already confessed."

"Who?" Asked Alex feeling her knee's buckle in relief.

"Do you remember the Osbourne case?" Asked Amanda.

"The father who raped his three daughters?"

"Yeah, his eldest daughter was angry Casey convicted him. She intended to shoot Casey, then me and anyone else connected with sending him to jail. Serena is in charge of the case, so you don't have to worry she is going to get her ass handed to her."

"Good." Replied Alex they were talking about the case when the rhythm of the machines changed and Casey's eyes began to flutter. "Casey? Come in that's to open those beautiful eyes for me."

"Al.." Croaked Casey her eyes fluttering open before closing again.

Alex was vaguely aware of Amanda and Liv leaving the room but she was intently focused on her wife, "Come on Casey, open your eyes for me."

Hearing someone come into the room she smiled at the nurse, "She opened her eyes, I think she's waking up."

"That's good, I'll let the doctor know. It might take a while but just keep talking to her." Replied he nurse with a kind smile as she left the room.

"You hear that I have to keep talking to you. Casey, I love you so much, I know I've made some mistakes but I'm going to fix it. No more putting work first. You're my life Casey so you have to wake up for me. Please darling talk to me."

Looking up she saw he doctor slip into the room and start checking the machines, "This all looks good she should be awake in the next couple of hours. Just keep talking to her."

"Thank you." Replied Alex as she as gently on the edge of Casey's bed and took her hand, "Did you hear that sweetie, you're going to be fine and we can take that holiday to Hawaii and you can show me that bikini you brought."

"Al.." Whispered Casey. "Is really you?"

"Yes darling it's me. I'm right here Casey I'm not going anywhere ever."

"What..." Swallowing deeply and licking her lips Casey tried again, "What happened?"

"You were shot, but you're going to be fine and they've got the person responsible so all you need to do is concentrate on getting better for me."

"'Kay." Whispered Casey her eyes drifting shut again.

Leaning down Alex pressed a kiss to Casey's cheek before heading outside to let everyone know Casey was awake. After telling Liv and Amanda the news she phoned Abbie who was almost as relived as she was that Casey was awake and promised to come by for a visit that evening. Walking back into Casey's room she pressed a kiss to her forehead before curling up on the couch, she hadn't realised she had fallen asleep until she was woken by gentle voice recognising them as belonging to Abbie and Casey she stayed still and listened.

"I have a good mind to kick your ass for frightening us like this." Said Abbie without any heat she was too relieved her friend was going to be okay.

"It added some excitement to the week." Replied Casey with a small smile, hiding her fear behind humour.

"I could have done with out it to be honest. I'm just glad you're going to be okay." Replied Abbie giving Casey's hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm sorry I frightened you and ruined your shirt." Relied Casey with a yawn.

"You can buy me a new one once your back non your feet." Standing she pressed a kiss to Casey's forehead. "Get some sleep, I'd hate to think what Alex will do to me if I tire you out."

"That's my wife scary as all hell." Smiled Casey.

"Yeah, but she loves you. I've not always been Alex's biggest fan, but she really does love you Case."

"I know." Whispered Casey already drifting back to sleep.

Walking over to the couch Alex was curled up on Abbie smiled, "I know you're awake." sitting next to the blonde.

"Am not." Smiled Alex.

"Am to." Grinned Abbie.

"I never said thank you for being there for her."

"You don't have to thank me that's what friends are for." Replied Abbie. "I should head home Kate managed to get a flight back so I ought to tidy up a little or she'll kick my ass so hard I'll need the bed next to Casey."

"I've always likes Kate." Smiled Alex standing to hug Abbie. "Thanks for everything Abigail."

"Anytime Alexandra." Smirked the brunette as she left the room.

Walking to the seat Abbie had vacated Alex sat down and took Casey's hand, she had always loved to watch Casey sleep she was always so expressive her emotions playing out across her face. There were times when she was stressed with work she would frown or when she was having a nice dream she would smile. Although Alex's favourite was when Casey would crinkle her nose and mumble random words that were generally related to baseball.

She was pulled from her thoughts by Casey's voice, "Alex."

"Hi, how are you feeling? Do you need anything? Pain killers? Water? Are you warm enough?" Asked Alex.

"Just you." Replied Casey with a lazy smile.

"You have me, always." Whispered Alex. "I'm not going anywhere. I love you Casey I might not have said it enough but you are my everything."

"If I had know all it would take was getting shot I'd have done it years ago. Actually I wouldn't it hurt a lot." Replied Casey with a dopey smile.

"Don't you dare frighten me like this again." Said Alex with a mock glare.

"I'm sorry." Replied Casey with a tired smile. "I promise not to do it again."

"Sleep, beautiful I will be here when you wake up." Said Alex pressing a kiss to her wife's forehead taking Casey's hand in hers and watched her wife sleep her heart lighter than it had been since Liv walked into her office.


	11. Chapter 11

Over the following days Casey continued to improve, Alex was cuddled into Casey's side as they browsed holiday destinations on her iPad, laughing as Casey suggested everything from sky diving to swimming with sharks. As she listened to the steady beat of Casey's heart Alex promised herself she would do whatever it took to make everything up to Casey; to show her how much she loved and valued her. She had arranged time off to be with Casey whilst she recovered and had even got the number of a therapist George recommended.

A week after the shooting they were waiting for the doctor to make his rounds and give them the results of some tests they had run. Casey had suffered internal injuries and the doctors had taken scans to make sure there were no lingering issues. As they waited for the results, Alex felt as if she couldn't get enough air in her lung's. Even though she could feel the reassuring presence of her wife's body pressed against her she couldn't help but worry what the results would show. Her recurring nightmare about losing Casey playing on a loop in her mind.

They both looked up as the doctor came in, "Hi Doc." Smiled Casey. "When can I get outta here?"

Giving her a small smile the doctor pulled the visitor chair over and sat down before replying, "Hopefully in the next week or so, providing you continue to improve." Looking down at the chart he was holding he paused for a moment before addressing Casey again. "Casey, we have the results of your scans back."

"Please tell me it's good news?" Asked Casey her heart hammering in her chest.

"I'm afraid that because of the location of the bullet and the damage it caused, it is unlikely you will be able to carry a baby to term." Replied the doctor in a sympathetic voice.

"Your sure?" Asked Casey feeling as if the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She looked across at Alex but found the blondes expression unusually unreadable.

"I'm afraid so, I know it's of little consolation but there is no other internal damage, which is a good thing. Do you have any questions?" Asked the doctor in a soft voice.

Casey looked at Alex again her face still unreadable, "I...Alex?"

"There's no other damage? Or long-lasting injuries?" Asked Alex avoiding Casey's gaze until she could get her emotions under control.

"No, the results all look good. I have every reason to believe she will make a full recovery." Replied the doctor, before looking at Casey again, "I'll give you some time to process the news and I'll come by and check on you later, if you have questions we can discuss them then." Standing he gave both women a small smile before leaving.

Once they were alone Alex sat on the edge of Casey's bed as the silence stretched between them, her mind was racing. The knowledge Casey was going to be okay made her dizzy with relief. She knew the news she wouldn't be able to carry a baby would decelerate her wife, but wasn't sure how to offer her comfort. "Case.."

"Do you want a divorce." Asked Casey her voice full of misery.

Blinking several times it took Alex a moment for her mind to process Casey's question. "Casey, why would I want a divorce?" Asked Alex taking Casey's hand in hers.

"Because, I can't have children. I'm so sorry Alex, I've let you down." Replied Casey as her tears began to fall.

"Casey you haven't let me down, you could _never_ let me down. So what you might not be able to have children, I can carry or we can adopt? I know it must be hard for you because you've always wanted to carry our baby, but you haven't let me down." Replied Alex her voice full of love.

"This year has been horrible." Whispered Casey. "I feel like my world has shifted, then when I get back on track it shifts again and I'm left feeling off centre once again."

"Case.."

"First, it was as if you stopped loving me." Continue Casey as if Alex hadn't spoken. "Then my dad got sick, I got shot and now this. I'm not sure how much more I can handle." Whispered Casey her eyes glassy with tears that had yet to be shed.

"Casey, I have never stopped loving you. You're right we've drifted apart but we can fix that, I will do therapy, sky diving or walk across hot coals to prove to you how much I love you. All couples have rough patches, but we will come out of this stronger than ever because we love each other."

Taking a breath she went on, "Your dad is getting better everyday, I know it frightened you but he is strong just like you. I know you're sad right now but...as selfish as it sounds you not being able to have children isn't the worst thing that could have happened."

Seeing the hurt look on Casey's face she quickly went on, "I thought I was going to lose you, you were so pale and still. God, Casey I was so frightened. There were all these machines and tunes around you. When I close my eyes I can still see the blood that covered Abbie's shirt and pants and my heart feels like it's being torn out of my chest. I've never been so afraid in my life. All I wanted was for you to wake up and tell me you loved me, tell me to stop worrying before I gave myself wrinkles or tell me about the Mets. So to me this isn't the worst thing that could have happened."

Seeing Casey was still not ready to talk to her she went on, "Fine, you're not able to carry our baby but I could or we can adopt or get a surrogate. We have options because you are alive, if I lost you...I don't know what I would do. So stop focusing on the negative and see the good." Finished Alex her chest heaving, tears pricking at the back of her eyes.

"I'm sorry I frightened you." Snapped Casey. "I'm sorry you didn't get your shining moment in DC, and I'm sorry you think me not being able to carry a baby is the best out come. Maybe you never wanted me to carry our children incase in inherited my weakness my failures."

"Casey stop being stupid..." Started Alex.

"I'm not stupid Alex." Replied Casey as she tried to get out of the bed.

"Stop it! Lay down before you hurt yourself." Snapped Alex using her hands to still Casey's movements.

"Then you leave." Snapped Casey slumping back down, clutching her stomach the movement pulling her stitches.

"That's not happening." Replied Alex in a determined voice as she recovered Casey with the blanket. "I'll get a nurse to give you some painkillers." Pressing the call button.

"I'm fine. Please, I need a few minutes alone." Pleaded Casey as she slumped back against the pillows all her fight leaving her.

Before Alex could reply a nurse came in, she requested more painkillers for Casey and they lapsed into silence as the nurse injected the painkillers into Casey's IV and checked her vitals.  
Deciding she couldn't take the silence any longer Alex took a deep breath, "Case..."

"I'm fine Alex, I just need a few minutes to process everything." Replied Casey turning her head away from Alex's gaze. She heard Alex sigh and pick up her purse but make no effort to leave.

"I'll go get a cup of coffee. I won't be long, I have my cell phone if you need me." Getting no response she pressed a kiss to Casey's head. "Whatever you might think I love you. I'll be back soon."

"No, it's getting late. Go home get a good nights sleep." Giving a bitter laugh she added, "It's not like I'm able to go anywhere."

"Casey, I'm not going home. I'll get a coffee and give you a few minutes but I'm not leaving you now or ever." Replied Alex setting her jaw stubbornly.

"I don't want you here right now." Replied Casey still not looking at Alex.

"We need to deal with this together, we're married Casey that means we're a team." Getting no response and no eye contact she felt her temper rising. "At least look at me." Snapped Alex.

Casey snapped her head round and pinned Alex with a hard glare, "Why, since we've been married I've gotten used to dealing with everything alone, let's not break the habit now because you feel guilty."

"You think that's what this is? In your pity party have you stopped to consider my feelings? I sat by your bed thinking you were going to die, I dreamt about it every damn time I closed my eyes. So yes, I feel guilty for many things, but mostly I'm afraid if I leave or blink for a second too long you will be gone." By the time she had finished there were tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Alex..." Started Casey trying to swallow her own tears. "I'm sorry, I need you." Admitted Casey.

"I'm sorry, I was...none of this is your fault." Replied Alex dropping her purse and walking back towards Casey's bed.

"Will you lay with me?" Asked Casey fighting a yawn.

"Always." Replied Alex slipping off her shoes and climbing up next to Casey, gently pulling the redhead into her arms. "Talk to me."

"I...I'm such an idiot." Whispered Casey.

"Yes you are. But, you're my idiot." Smiled Alex. "We both have things to apologise for and as soon as you're well enough we will make an appointment with the therapist George recommended."

"I thought you hated the idea of therapy?" Asked Casey linking her hand with Alex's.

"I do. But, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix our marriage. I almost lost you and I'm not going to let that happen again." Replied Alex.

"I love you." Yawned Casey, before asking, "You won't leave me, will you?" In a small voice.

"Never, I love you Casey." Replied Alex pressing a kiss to Casey's forehead, holding her wife close as the pain killers took hold causing her to fall asleep. As she watched Casey sleep her head resting on Alex's chest she felt her own eyes start to get heavy, as much as she tried to fight it she knew it was inevitable she would fall asleep and with it the nightmare of losing Casey. She was so lost in her thoughts she had failed to notice Casey was awake and watching her with a small frown on her face and was startled by her wife voice.

"You can sleep you know, l be here when you wake up. It's not that easy to get rid of me."

"I'm frightened." Whispered Alex.

"Of what?" Asked Casey.

"I dreamt you were dead, that the doctor told me there was nothing they could do. God, Case it was so real and now I have it every time I fall asleep. I can't lose you." Replied Alex her threat thick with tears.

Turning as best she could to hold her wife Casey replied, "Alex I'm here. Give me your hand." Placing Alex's hand under her sleep shirt and over her, "Feel that? That's me alive. I love you Alexandra and I'm not ready to leave you yet."

"Promise?" Asked Alex not moving her hand.

"I promise. Now try to get some sleep." Feeling Alex start to move she tightened her grip. "Stay where you are, let me hold you."

"The nurses won't like it." Yawned Alex.

"They'll get over it, the best medicine for me is to have you in my arms." Smiled Casey.

"'Kay." Whispered Alex her eyes heavy. "Love you Cassandra."

"I love you too Alex. Now sleep, Serena is coming by tomorrow to tell us about the case." Replied Casey as she quickly fell asleep with Alex safe in her arms.

Waking up the following morning Alex realised that she hadn't had a single bad dream, and felt refreshed. As she waited in line for her coffee she just hoped their wasn't going to be a long trial that would put extra stress on Casey as she recovered. She knew Casey didn't want the girl to spend the rest of her life in jail, but Alex wasn't that forgiving and wanted her to pay for hurting Casey.

Arriving back at Casey's room she could hear her wife deep in conversation with Serena, who was the first to notice her arrival. "Oh no Case, I think we said her name too many times."

"Haha." Smiled Alex pressing a kiss to Casey's forehead.

"Don't I get one of those?" Asked Serena with a smirk.

"Coffee? Yes. Kiss? Not a chance." Replied Alex handing the shorter blonde a coffee.

"Meanie." Smiled Serena, pleased to see Alex looked more at ease than she had done recently.

"That's me. So the case?" Asked Alex keen to know what was going on in the world outside the hospital.

"She took a plea that covered everything, twelve to fifteen years." Replied Serena. "Given everything she has been through and her mental state it was a good result for both parties."

"I'd have pushed for more." Replied Alex.

"You'd have pushed for the death penalty because she hurt your wife, I understand that, but Alex approach this as a prosecutor and not a wife and you'll see I'm right." Replied Serena with anger in her voice.

Taking a breath Alex realised she was right, "You're right. I'm sorry Serena I didn't mean to imply you weren't an amazing prosecutor."

"It's fine Al, had it been Kim that was hurt I'd have been the same. I should be getting back, I have court this afternoon." Replied Serena giving both Alex and Casey a gentle hug.

Once they were alone Casey watched as Alex stared out the window, "Talk to me?"

"It's over." Whispered Alex as she walked over to Casey and pulled her close.

"It is, now it's time to focus on the future, our future." Replied Casey. "Come lay with me, I need a nap, and I always sleep better with you in my arms."

"Charmer." Smiled Alex climbing up next to her wife quickly following her into slumber.

**A/N;I'm not a doctor so the injury and aftermath might not make sense but it is fiction.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N; I'm not really sure how adoption works, so if this is complete rubbish I crave your indulgence and hope you enjoy it anyway. **

**Six months later,**  
Casey had been discharged from hospital after a three-week stay, other than not being able to have children the doctors were confident there would be no lasting damage from the shooting. Two weeks after her discharge they had gone to their first therapy session and with each passing one they had worked to heal the rift between them acknowledging their own flaws as well as the consequences of this actions. After four months they had made enough progress that they scaled their sessions back to once a month, they had even had their week in Hawaii and discussed adoption, their clearance to adopt coming through just a few weeks earlier. They made sure to have a date night each week, even if it was just take-out in the couch with a movie, each time they would turn off their cell phones and just be together.

It had been a long week and Casey was looking forward to the weekend, it was Kim's turn to be on call for the Detectives, meaning she could relax all weekend and not worry about work. They were planning to leave work early and take a trip down to Alex's families beach house for the long weekend. She was looking forward to catching up with her wife away from the stress of work and getting some sun, maybe even doing a little surfing and talk some more about adopting. It had taken her a while to except that she wouldn't be able to carry their baby, but with Alex's love and assurance that it didn't change how she felt about her Casey had accepted it and was excited about giving a child a home.

Walking into the squad room she could hear a baby crying, and gave a small chuckle at the sight of a disgruntled Munch attempting to comfort the screaming bundle,watching for a few seconds she took pity on the Sargent and dropped her briefcase and purse onto his desk and shrugged out of her jacket before holding her arms out for the baby.

"Councillor, I could kiss you." Smiled Munch.

"Best not, my wife gets a little jealous and I'd hate to see you on the receiving end of a Cabot smack down." Replied Casey with a grin, as she rocked the infant in her arms who instantly began to settle. "What's the story with this little guy?"

"That particular little noise bag is Samuel Sage, his sister Lucy is four and is talking to Benson and Rollins, their mother was found dead this morning along side their father in what looks like a murder suicide case. It seems he was abusing the little girl and mom took it upon herself to save the state a few bucks." Replied Munch.

"Why kill herself?" Asked Casey with a frown.

"The family are known to Child Services, it seems she has a history of mental health issues and this isn't the first time she tried to take her own life, I guess this time she succeeded." They both looked up as Olivia escorted a small blonde girl towards the restrooms, dressed in a NYPD t-shirt Munch saw the confusion on Casey's face and explained, "Poor kid saw it all, when we arrived she was covered in blood from trying to 'wake her mommy.' someday'a this job really gets to you.

As Casey looked down at the small bundle in her arms she found hers led blinking back tears, "Poor kids."

"You want me to take him? I'm sure you didn't just come by to see my beautiful face?" Asked Munch.

"Actually I did." Smiled Casey. "I need to go over your testimony for the Porter case."

"Okay, give me five minutes to find someone to take Samuel and I'm all yours." Replied the Sargent.

"He's okay here, I don't have court this afternoon so I've nowhere to be, why don't you go grab a coffee, we can go over your testimony on Tuesday." Smiled Casey.

"Marry me?" Joked Munch as they both looked down at the now asleep baby in Casey's arms.

"Sorry Munch, I'm spoken for." Replied Casey with a smile as she thought of her wife. Once Munch made them both a cup of coffee they sat at his desk chatting about everything but the horrors they saw on a daily basis as if they didn't want such words to be spoken around such an innocent child.

"Case, Lucy wants to see her brother, you mind sitting with them for a bit? Whilst me and Liv go pick them up some stiff from their apartment?" Asked Amanda.

"That's fine, I'll just call Kim and let her know I'm ducking out early." Replied Casey with a wide smile.

"Thanks, I'll introduce you." Waking into the room behind Amanda, Casey could see Lucy watching her suspiciously, keeping a smile in her face even as she took in the bruises that covered the small girls body, "Lucy, this is Casey a friend of mine. Do you mind if she spends some time with you and Sammy?" Asked Amanda in a gentle voice.

"Is she asking us questions?" Asked Lucy with a small frown.

"No sweetie, no more questions for now." Replied Amanda.

"Okay then." Replied Lucy. "Hello Miss Casey."

"Hello Lucy, as we're friends you can call me Casey. Would you like some juice or something to eat?" Asked Casey with a gentle smile.  
"No, Amanda gave me some cookies. Can we do drawing?" Asked the young girl pointing to some crayons.

"Of course we can." Smiled Casey, settling Samuel in the cot they kept in the room she sat on the floor opposite Lucy and picked up a green crayon. After a few second of silence and drawing random shapes Casey felt a gentle tug on her hand, "Do you need something sweetie?"

"Can I have a hug? My mommy always says hugs make sadness go away."

"Of course you can." Casey could see the tiredness in the girls face so moved to sit on the small sofa and pulled Lucy into her lap, humming a lullaby her mother hummed to her when she was small. Looking down she saw Lucy was asleep a fistful if her shirt held tight in her hand.

An hour later Samuel woke up and Casey made sure Lucy was still asleep on the couch before picking him up, after changing him and feeding him she saw the door open and Liv indicate she should step outside. "The social worker assigned to Samuel and Lucy's case has arrived."

"Okay, thanks." Smiled Casey tightening her hold on Samuel subconsciously.

"You should talk to Alex." Smiled Liv.

"Why?" Asked Casey with a frown.

"You know why Case." Replied Liv slipping into the room to sit with Lucy incase she woke up, leaving Casey to pounder her words.

After introducing herself to the case worker Casey asked, "So they'll be placed in a home?" As she looked down at the baby asleep in her arms, she felt her heart constrict at the thought.

"Yes, I'm sure we will have little trouble finding a family for Samuel." Replied the case worker, stoking a gentle finger down the infants cheek..

"What about Lucy? Will they be able to stay together?" Asked Casey, feeling her throat constrict with emotion for the two children alone in the world apart from each other.

"It's possible, but unlikely. People want babies, children of Lucy's age are harder to place as are the odds of finding a family willing to take two children at once." Replied the case worker in a sad voice.

Casey gave a slow nod, turning to study Lucy who was sitting with Liv drawing, as she watched the little girl push her blonde hair behind her ear in the same way Alex did when she was reading a file she made a decision. "Can you hold off taking them for an hour or so whilst I make a few calls?"

"Sure, I've got to wait for Lucy to give her statement and the results of the rape kit anyway." Replied the social worker with a shrug handing Casey a card she added, "I'll get some coffee, call me on my cell when your done."

Taking the card carefully without waking the infant she gave the woman a small smile and headed towards Cragen's office, seeing it was empty she stepped inside and closed the door. Pulling out her cell phone she dialled Alex's number and prayed her wife was out of court and would answer her phone. Getting the blondes voicemail she left a message asking Alex to call her back as soon as she got the messages come straight to the squad room.

Pacing the office she tried Alex's cell three more times, looking at her watch she knew she was running out of time. Just as she was starting to panic the door opened to admit her wife, "Casey what's wrong? Who does the baby belong to? And do they know you have it?" Asked Alex with a small smile.

"Nothing's wrong as such, it's just...I want to adopt Samuel and Lucy." Blurted Casey.

Alex slowly put her briefcase down and shrugged of her light jacket before turning back to her wife, "Start at the beginning because I think you missed a few steps."

Taking a deep breath Casey explained how she had arrived to find Munch with the crying child and told her the story behind Samuel and Lucy being in the station, how she had spent time with them both and asked the case worker for some time.

Taking another breath she added, "Alex, this is Samuel he's just a month old and Lucy is only four, but she's already so smart, she reminds me of you, I know that's not possible but she even tucks her hair behind her ear the same way you do. They've been through so much already, I hate the thought of them being put in a group home or worse being separated."

"Casey, take a breath. What are you saying?"asked Alex still trying to play catch up with her wife.

"I want to offer them a home, we talked about adoption so why not?" Replied Casey.

"Casey..this is quick we would need to go shopping and..." Started Alex, her mind racing.

"Alex, they're going to split them up, all they have is each other. Please Alex, we could give them a home, a family."

"Case..."

"Please Alex, I know we can do this." Pleaded Casey.

"If you'll let me finish. I was going to say, we should talk to their case worker and start the paperwork." Replied Alex with a smile. "Just try not to get your hopes up until it's a done deal."

Pulling her wife into her arms, mindful of the sleeping baby between them they shared a kiss before Casey pulled away and dialled the number the case worker had given her. Gripping Alex's hand in a vice grip as she relayed their idea to the woman, who agreed to meet them to discuss things in half an hour.

"Come meet Lucy." Smiled Casey taking Alex by hand and heading into the room where Lucy and Liv were playing Hungry Hippos.

Looking up as they walked in Liv could see the happiness on Casey's face and knew they had talked, "Lucy, this is Alex another friends of mine and Casey's. Alex, this is Lucy Sage aged four and a champion at Hungry Hippos. How about I go get us something to drink?"

"Thank you Livia." Smiled Lucy. "Hello, Miss Alex, you're really pretty."

"Thank you Lucy, you're very pretty too and you can call me Alex." Smiled the blonde.

"Okay, Casey do you want to play Hippos with me?"

"Sure do." Smiled Casey, turning to Alex she held a still sleeping Samuel out to her, "Why don't you and Sammy bond whilst I get bested at Hungry Hippos."

Swallowing nervously Alex took the small bundle from Casey's arms and gently sat in the couch, marvelling at the way it felt to hold such a small child.  
Half an hour later Liv came back into the room and told Casey and Alex Megan was waiting for them, taking Sam from Alex she offered to sit with the two children whilst they spoke to the case worker.

Before they entered the room Alex halted and pulled Casey close, "Honey, whatever happens next we will do everything we can for those two children. I love you and watching you with that little girl made me fall in love with you all over again and watching you rock the baby was about the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

"I love you too Alex." Replied Casey, too many emotions were swirling around her head for her be more demonstrative.

"Let's do this." Smiled Alex.

An hour later and several phone calls to social services, the adoption agency Alex and Casey had registered with and a glowing reference from Liz and Cragen, the case worker was happy for the two children to go home with them as long as Lucy was happy with the situation. They would try it for thee months and if everyone was happy at the end of that time they could apply to formally adopt the two children.

Heading back into the room Lucy and Samuel were in Casey couldn't hold back her smile, sitting on the couch next to the Lucy, smiling as the young girl climbed into her lap. "So Lucy we were talking to Megan and if you want to, you can come home with me and Alex. Samuel as well."

"So we can go home with you?" Asked Lucy in a shy voice from her spot on Casey's lap, still a little wary of Alex.

"Only if you want to." Replied Alex. "It's up to you and if you would rather go with Megan, then that's fine too, no one will be cross with you."

"Do you want us to?" Asked Lucy looking up at Casey.

"We would love to have you come and stay with us, but it's up to you sweetie. Like Alex said no one will be cross with you, no matter what you say."

"What about our mommy?" Asked Lucy.

"Mommy is in heaven, just because you come to live with user another family it doesn't mean you don't love your mommy." Replied Casey in a gentle voice.

"Will she still love us?" Asked Lucy with a wobble in her voice.

"Always, just because you can't see her doesn't mean she will ever stop loving you or you will stop loving her." Explained Alex.

"I want to stay with you." Replied Lucy after a few minutes of thinking things over.

Several hours later they were home and had settled the two children down for the night, Casey was in bed making a list of everything they would need to buy the following day, whilst Alex checked the doors were locked and checked in on the children before joining her wife in bed.

"So." Smiled Alex.

"It's been quiet a day." Replied Casey.

"Yep, not sure it's fully sunk in yet." Replied Alex.

"I'm sure it will when we're up at three A.M with a crying infant," replied Casey setting her notepad aside and snuggling under the covers, pulling Alex into her arms she claimed her lips in a love filled kiss.

"Thank you." Whispered Casey as the kiss ended.

"For what?" Asked Alex her head spinning from the kiss they had just shared.

"Today, I know you hate making decisions on the spot, but you did it anyway, I love you Alex." Whispered Casey.

"Casey, I was never going to say no. I could see it in your eyes the moment you held Sam in your arms you were in love, me too those big blue eyes are going to be a nightmare in the future." Laughed Alex.

"I was, with both of them." Admitted Casey. "Now there are three of you to wrap me around your little fingers." Added Casey with a chuckle.

"You'll love it." Replied Alex.

"That I will." Smiled Casey as she pulled Alex close and they drifted to sleep, ready to start their life as a family.


End file.
